45: The Secret to Doing More Without Burning Out

Have you ever gotten to the end of the day and wondered where all your time went? You worked all day, answered the emails, got dinner on the table, kept everyone else moving…and somehow the one thing you wanted to do for yourself never happened. According to systems strategist Courtney Cecil, the problem isn't your motivation or discipline. It's your systems. 

In this episode, Courtney shares how simple, intentional systems can reduce decision fatigue, protect your time and energy, and help you align your daily life with what matters most. Learn why body maintenance isn't the same as self-care, how boundaries protect your priorities instead of limiting you, and why optimizing your life doesn't mean doing more. If you're feeling burned out, carrying the mental load, or struggling to balance your career, family, and yourself, this conversation will give you the strategies to reclaim your time and build a life that works for you.

Connect with Courtney Cecil:

workingmomsmovement.com/links

The Life Management System

instagram.com/workingmomsmovement

In This Episode:

• (01:15) Why an engineer became a systems strategist for working moms
• (03:20) The 3 Ws: The framework for building a life that works
• (08:10) The simple dishwasher system that eliminated daily stress
• (12:40) How to prioritize what matters without feeling guilty
• (15:15) The boundaries that protect your time, money, and energy
• (21:00) You can't have multiple priorities

Resources Mentioned:

Your body is talking. This Free 2-Minute Quiz can help you pinpoint what’s draining your energy, impacting your health, and keeping you stuck.

Connect with Daffney:

The Game-Changer Consult → This 60 min deep dive offers you clarity and insight into what’s possible for your next 60 days. Leave this consult feeling full of possibility and with the energy of purpose!

liftprowellness.com

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey, everybody. Thanks for joining us for another episode of Don't Fucking Shrink the Podcast. With me today is Courtney Cecil. And what I love about this opportunity is a lot of us are working moms. A lot of us have really tried to integrate being a mom into our working career. But, you know, Courtney does things a little different. Courtney is a systems and integration specialist, an engineer who actually has her own podcast and supports women in their journey to create systems that work for them and move them forward. Welcome to Don't F and Shrink, the podcast, where we stop playing small and start showing up big. I'm your host, Daphne Allwine, and I'm here to cut through the noise, ditch the self-doubt, and get honest about what it takes to live and lead with unapologetic confidence. Each week you'll hear unfiltered conversations, powerful stories, and in real life strategies to help you take up space in your life, your work, and your world. So buckle up because shrinking is not an option here. Let's dive in. Hey Courtney, thanks for joining us. Oh my gosh, Daphne, thanks for having me. Where did systems come into? When did engineering become a factor?

SPEAKER_01 1:18

Oh my gosh. So I am systems is an engineering as a whole, Daphne, is inherently about problem solving. And as a very curious person, I think I was organically preordained to be an engineer of sorts. My husband is an engineer, my sister's an engineer, my brother is an engineer, my dad was an engineer, my grandfather was an engineer. So there was just also something about the way that our minds are wired. I was always very organized and I was very good at being able to take something that somebody tells me on one side and somebody, something else that someone else tells me, and figure out how to connect the dots for them and be able to get even more out of what they're trying to achieve because I'm able to see the connectivity and how one plus one can equal four instead of just two. So I think that engineering, while I was somewhat preordained to take that route, systems engineering as a whole is just so special because it takes that problem solving, but it also is very process-oriented. It is very routine driven. And it was such a special fit. So started out in manufacturing, literally working with people on the manufacturing line. I was not on the line myself. I was just helping kind of coach and corral them.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

And then I moved into what's called business process reengineering, BPR and consulting and helped major organizations, actually in the federal government, most of them, figure out how they could make their processes more efficient. And then I moved into what became essentially organizational strategy. And then from a couple of decades in work strategy, my last role was head of culture at Wells Fargo. And culture is about value-based behavior change. It's optimizing the way that people are working in a very aligned fashion around a core set of behaviors. And that's very much what I now do. Like culture change is all value-based. So that's essentially what I help moms do now is I help them optimize their life, but around what their core values are. So I help them build, I call it a life management system. And that's actually the name of my podcast, too, is the life management system. But how like, how do I help you optimize what it is that you do around what you uniquely value? So I call three W's, what you value, what you prioritize, and what you spend. So you spend your resources, you spend time, you spend money, and you spend energy. And when you optimize those three things around what it is that you care about, not your neighbors, not somebody else, like that's when you get big time results. In culture, I have two very key metrics that I was responsible for. I was responsible for employee engagement. So how engaged are you? Are you showing up with your whole self or do you have one foot out the door? And then I was responsible for turnover. And when I think about the particularly coming from consulting, when I think about where turnover tends to happen, it is very often women, and it is very often at that middle manager level. And the reason it happens then is one of two things. One, women decide to stay at home. They're like, I want to be a very present parent for my kids, and I feel like I can't do both. Or they leave just the consulting industry in order to go into something with a much slower pace. Both of those things, I'm I have a lot of appreciation for that decision making. But I just don't believe it has to happen. I think that you can do both. You just have to develop systems that will work for you. So that way you're not fighting as much friction. So you don't have to leave unless you really want to. And it is in the interest of making that choice possible for people that really attracted me to this work of specifically being a strategist for working moms. Awesome.

SPEAKER_00 5:04

Are you ready to put on your cape?

SPEAKER_01 5:05

Yeah, dude. I know. Okay, guys. So okay. So my favorite, yeah, my favorite, favorite, favorite picture. I use this at the end of almost every webinar I give. You know, the woman bathroom like figuring. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

Yes. Yeah, the triangle. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

Yeah, the triangle, exactly. It's that, but then the the the icon in the back lights up where it's like it was never a dress, and it becomes obvious that that's a cape that the woman's wearing instead of a dress.

SPEAKER_00 5:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

And I just think I saw that on a mug one time. I was like, that's genius. That's it.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

Obviously, it was like, we've had it wrong all the time. It is not a dress. It is not an ill-fitted tent dress. It is a cape. So how did systems change your life when you started becoming a mom? And still working, obviously, working and holding these high-level jobs. Where did this system come in for you?

SPEAKER_01 5:54

Everywhere. I like I am such a believer in systems, Daphne. And it sounds like such a cheat answer to just say everywhere, but it's true. So there was a point I was when I was in consulting, I was working about 80 hour weeks. I was, I was just tired all the time. It's a lot of work. It turns out as an entrepreneur, I'm also working 80-hour weeks. So anybody who's thinking that that's a better option, like I promise you, you might have more flexibility, but you do not have more time. Um, and you probably have a lot less money for a long time. When I was in consulting, 80 hour weeks is a lot when you still carry the the volume of home of like what you have going on at home. It's just, it's like it's it's impractical. So what I learned very quickly after some severe burnout is I have to do things differently. When you think about the way that you show up at work, if you have a problem at work, what do you do? Yes, solve it. If delegation is broken, if you need a new project management system, if you continue to do the same thing over and over and over, you figure out how to automate. You know, there are all these solutions that we apply at work, but at home, we just kind of accept things as fact. It's like, no, that is in my control to change. So it was at an early point, I thankfully had that insight. My youngest was, I don't know, probably nine months at this point. And I kept thinking, gosh, why am I trying to still do life right now with two kids? Yes. And the same way I was trying to do life as a family of two when it was just my husband and me. It's just not practical. Like I have to problem solve.

SPEAKER_00 7:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

I I that's what I did. I, I mean, in the perfect engineering moment, I problem solved the heck out of my life and I built systems for literally everything. And one of my favorite examples I use is around because it's so practical, is around dishes. Like I hate a sink full of dishes. Hate it. I think it's so gross. Okay, well, if the dishes always end up piled up in the sink because the dishwasher is full because it's running during the day, why don't we just run it every freaking night? Even if it's not full, at least that way over breakfast we get to unload it.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

And then the dishwasher always has capacity between breakfast and dinner. And then after dinner, once again, we'll start it. It is so simple. Yeah. But that like that's a system. A system is essentially processes or routines that work together to make something work. And it doesn't have to be that hard, but like that system is so simple, but yet it like it changed everything about the friction that I carry. Now think about doing that at scale. Like my clients, when I work with them, we are going end to end. We are looking at every aspect of their life, both at work and at home, to be like, where are you bleeding energy? Where are you, where, what are your biggest friction points? Where are you most frustrated? Where are you and your partner stepping over each other's toes? Where are your kids causing problems for yourself? Where are your coworkers not respecting what boundaries you think you have in place? There is likely an opportunity for a system in every pain point you experience.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

I love that you also, and I I followed one of your threads one time. I was really excited. You were talking about because of your time management, doesn't always make you popular socially, right? Because I think your post was about not wanting to get your nails done. Same. Very same. So, right, in the way that like I have this amount of time to dedicate to the overarching goal in my life. And I think that's a really big pain point in a lot of ways for our listeners, for women of our age and with our responsibilities, is we start getting categorically stuck into how we socialize with each other, what self-care actually looks like, and three, what we deserve, right? We write we always fall into these like terrible three categories. So I was just giggling or laughing out loud when I saw this, because the truth is if I have, no, I take it back. When I have an hour, not if, when I make an hour for myself during the day, during the week to improve the way I feel or the way I look, my investment is not in the aesthetics. It is in the deep work tissue. You know, it's it's a yoga class. It is something that I can I have to build into my schedule with some additional support. But can you talk about that a little bit?

SPEAKER_01 10:22

Yeah. Well, you know, first of all, I I think that what you're hitting on around how you define self-care is that you're saying, Daphne, like this is what makes me re-fel recharged. I fully believe that self-care is very, it's a very individual, but I also feel very passionate that it is not getting your hair colored. It is not getting your your nails done. It is not that you want to do those things because you value it, then absolutely you do you boo. I want you to feel good about yourself. And if that's gonna help you, then do it. But body maintenance, those are check the box things. Those are not filling your cup up. They are not recharging your battery. Like for me, very similar to you, Daphne. I know that I get great energy from seeing my trainer. I get like not only is she she's become a friend, it's part of my social life, but also I feel good when I get in a real big sweat and I'm throwing weights in a gym. But I don't feel like myself when I do that. Like when I think I when I feel like myself, that is like when I'm laughing with girlfriends or when I'm singing my heart out at a concert or something like that. Okay, yes. So I want to do both of those things. Both of those need to exist in my life for me to really feel most connected to myself, but also to take care of my battery. So I think that self-care, you need a little bit of everything in above and beyond like general maintenance. Like, let's just assume that you're you're please prioritize general maintenance. Like that's a that's a it should be expected. It's kind of like Daphne when you said when, not if I find an hour in my day. So where I think you are going with the question is more around like, how are you gonna find that hour? How are you gonna find that hour to care for yourself? And I as with everything I teach, it goes back to those three W's the what do you value, what do you prioritize, and what you spend. Because you're gonna spend your time, money, and energy on the things you value the most. But when you start there, you'll I promise you'll fit everything else in. It's kind of like trying to work out at the end of the day when you're you have one, nothing else to give, but two, then you get sucked into the vortex of the day. You feel like you don't have time. But if you feel if you get it in in the morning, you do. How do you put whatever it is that you value the most first? And when you get really clear on that and you fit that stuff in, I promise there's room for everything else. So, as an example, my fun is the very first thing I calendar. If you look at 2027, it is so it's mid-June when we were recording this. If you look at my calendar in 2027, you better believe my vacations are already there. Not all of them. Okay. Not all of them, but like I prioritize travel. So I'm gonna fit everything else around that. I prioritize my health a lot. So I'm gonna make sure that I'm gonna get in my trainer sessions every single week. I value family dinners. So you better believe, like, I might go back to work, but I will be stopping work when my boys are home to be able to have that time for family dinners. So I think just getting really clear on what you value, and as long as you like actually prioritize it, that's half the battle. Most people think they don't have the time. But I'm sorry, if these CEOs are coming by the time, it's just an example that that is the manifestation of their execution of what they value. And women tend to put other people first, moms in particular. So it's probably a byproduct of you putting other people first instead of yourself.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

Yeah, it's it's not playing the main character. We don't we talk about this a lot with my clients and just recognizing that in order to be successful, you have to leave that room for growth and joy and opportunity and thought thoughts, right? Like actually having clarity of thought to move forward. So, yeah, if you were filling every day as you and I used to do in our other lives, you know, just billing by the hour, putting as much in and and going to bed exhausted with really no movements forward. So, here's my question to you based on the people you're working with, what's the biggest blind spot?

SPEAKER_01 14:28

So, for the blind spot for most people are the boundaries that they are not putting in place for themselves. Yes. And I I work with them to build controls in place so that way they get out of their own way. So, as an example, one of my clients, her, she wanted to save. She's from Romania, and she more than anything, she wants to be able to go home for Christmas to spend time with her family.

SPEAKER_00 14:52

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 14:53

She knows that she can't do that because her spending is out of control. She just wasn't sure how to fix it. So it's the like boundaries are time related, they're financial related, they are access, they are like there's so many physical, there's so many different types of boundaries. But oftentimes we think we know what we want, but we don't know how to protect that thing. And for her, that was her finances. She didn't know how to protect her finances. So we put controls in place. We're like, okay, your problem is that you're like when you drop off your kids on your way home, you're stopping at TJ Maxx or Marshall's. Like whatever $5 you saved, you ended up spending $200 because you stopped there. So how can we do things like not traveling with a credit card? Like you're traveling with $20 now. We are going to take Apple Pay off your phone, grocery ordering online. Like, can't go to the store anymore because you'll be tempted by all the fun stuff on the aisles. But when you order from home, it will, it'll tell you like, hey, here are the things that you need that like you tend to get. You'll be less tempted by the noise. So there are all kinds of controls that we put in place to help protect that boundary. But for most people, they know what their what their biggest problems are. They just don't either, they don't either know how to protect that thing that they really value, or they are not prepared mentally to have the discipline to protect that thing. So I provide like I help them get over that hump of yes, we, yeah, absolutely there are ways and they many things that I share. Like today, I was we spent a lot of time on my client call this morning at my grit program talking about mill planning. And none of it, a lot of this stuff is not rocket science. It's how we do it to make it as easy and seamless as possible. Yes. Um, so though, like that stuff's the little stuff, the big stuff for people, the thing that actually moves rocks is normally having the right boundaries in place that will allow you to protect your time, to protect your finances, to put, you know, to protect whatever it is that you most value.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

I love that you say the word protect. Like that's a whole new way of thinking in my mind, because a lot of times we get so set on this idea that like boundaries mean sending this away or or calling this fear or whatever the case may be. But it really is the inverse. And I I love you reverse engineer it there. It is not about finding blame with a with a choice or with a mindset. It's not about finding blame with it. It's about really focusing on what that thing is that you want. And I think that's what that's what impacted me the most when you said, listen, I don't mind getting my nails done, but my bigger priority, the thing that I'm protecting most with those, those resources is to be a nimble grandma. And I think, I think if we can get people thinking downstream to what they resonate with most, a lot of this noise that comes from the internet, comes from the outside of us, you know, the things that we think should matter or that matter to other people around us, we can get rid of that noise. We can clear ourselves. I have that issue often with clients where their goals are constantly shifting. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, this is not a goal because, you know, last week this wasn't even on our priority map. So I think that's really important that when you said you're protecting something, I think that's a brilliant new mindset for saying we're not setting things away, we're not casting blame on something, we're not casting shame on ourselves. We're just protecting this version of ourself or our values.

SPEAKER_01 18:34

Exactly. And I think that boundaries, when you think about it like a fence, a fence, most people have fences in their backyard because it protects their kids, it protects their pets, it protects their property, it protects people from intruding in their space that are not welcome. But you still can open the door to the fence. A fence is not permanent. Like you can go in and out of the, out of the fence. Boundaries are very similar. Like they are, they're in place for a reason to protect something that it is that you really value most. It doesn't mean that it needs to be all the time, but it just means structurally, you are acknowledging that something is important enough that you're gonna you're gonna make sure it remains the priority it is. Like a priority is a priority for a reason. Priorities have winners and losers, just like a strategy has winners and losers. Yes. Not everything can be a priority, or it's you inherently don't have any priorities. So it actually just forces you to get really clear. And I think that's kind of what you're alluding to, Daphne, is oftentimes people are probably they're feeling pressure from social media or their neighbors or their colleagues or their friends because they're not super clear for themselves. And but when you get clear, it makes it so much easier to protect.

SPEAKER_00 19:48

Yeah, we talk about priority, and priority means first, priority means one. So we can't have multiple firsts. You know, we say that with a client, you can't have multiple firsts. So whatever priority is, is priority. It doesn't, it's not good, bad, it doesn't have a value assigned to it from the outside world. It's what you've assigned priorities.

SPEAKER_01 20:06

Yeah, and I think um something that's really important on this topic that I talk to my clients about a lot. Even if you have the same priorities, it could manifest differently. So, as an example, anytime I speak in corporate, when I ask people like, who here knows what they value the most? I don't know, 80% of them raise their hands and I'm I ask for a couple people to speak. And most of them will say family. I'm like, cool, that's not it. It's the double click on it. So family for me, I want to be, as you have acknowledged, like I want to be the grandmother that like fast, I am 40 years old. I am not like I am nowhere close to being a grandmother. Thankfully, my boys are nine and 10. But like I've got that in mind. Like, I want to be able to enjoy my boys well beyond the 18 years I have them in my house. Like that's what I'm valuing. But I have a client who is very religious and she values homeschooling for that reason. I have another who values having dinner around the table together as a family. I have another who is a single mom and she values making sure her daughter is a cycle breaker and is financially independent. You know, so family even looks something different for other people. It's not that I get that you you think that you value family the most, but what does that even really mean for you? So I think the double clicking is just as important to you actually being able to put words to why you're doing what you're doing and how they can actually guide your decision making.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

I think we all need a little more double clicking. I agree. How do people connect with this mindset to with your community, with what you're building here? Is it is it groups? Is it one-on-one? How do people connect with you?

SPEAKER_01 21:49

Yeah, I do both. So I I mean, I I have my podcast, the life management system. I put a a lot of free content out there. But as it relates to my services and how how I show up for people, I have a group program. I I'm a believer that so often women think that they're the only ones going through something. And the amount of times that I hear in my DMs on Instagram that, wow, I didn't realize that there were other people that were experiencing what I'm experiencing. I mean, it's just it, even though there are gajillions of us going through it, it still feels very lonely. So I have a group program by design because it's, I mean, they just today, per prime example, two of my clients were one of them was talking about one of the difficulties she's having with her son and his occupational therapist. And I have another one being like, hey, when my son was the same age, he also went through OT. And here's what we did, and here's some of the things we learned. I've got the whole life management system pieced down. Like, I got you, girl, if that's what you're trying to learn. But I can't pretend that I've been through that experience. Yes. My my my son went through my oldest went through PT, but he never went through OT. So it also just, I mean, it it makes us better when we're going through things with other people and it makes us feel a lot less alone. So I do that, but then I also do more executive level coaching for women that are at that level.

SPEAKER_00 23:07

Awesome. And is it it is, as we know, women's strength is in networking. Let's the more we share, the more we gain, the more we glean. And uh, I think I love that your thought leadership is based in that and that the more you give, the more you share, the more you network with this community, the more value you actually build. And that's huge. Amen. Courtney, thanks for being with us today. Thanks for not fucking shrinking and uh and building this important community for all of us. Thank you for having me, Debbie.