43: Cortisol, Stress & Why You Can't Just Calm Down

Why can't you “just calm down"? Functional medicine expert Dr. Stacy Baker explains why fear isn't a character flaw, it's biology. She breaks down how chronic stress, cortisol, generational trauma, and information overload keep us stuck in survival mode, why fear and excitement create similar chemical responses in the body, and why mindset work alone often isn't enough to overcome anxiety. You'll learn strategies to regulate your nervous system, including balancing blood sugar, supporting your circadian rhythm, creating "safety signals," and using simple practices like morning sunlight, gratitude, journaling, and time in nature to help your body feel safe again. If you've been feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or burned out, this episode will change the way you think about fear and give you tools to build resilience from the inside out.

Connect with Dr. Stacy Baker:

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In This Episode:

• (03:34) Information overload, fear-based marketing, and losing your intuition
• (06:40) Simple ways to meditate, even if you hate meditation
• (10:20) Hormones, cortisol, gut health, and the hidden drivers of anxiety
• (15:00) Using your circadian rhythm to reduce stress naturally
• (18:15) Good stress vs. bad stress; understanding hormetic stress

Resources Mentioned:

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey everybody, welcome back to Don't Fucking Shrink. Today we are talking about fear. Not the cute, productive kind of fear we like to dress up as motivation, the real kind. The kind that shows up at 2 a.m. when you're replaying a client call in your head. The kind that makes you say yes to one more thing because saying no feels riskier than the burnout. The kind that's been quietly running your nervous system before you even stepped into the courtroom. My guest today is Dr. Stacey Baker. She's a functional medicine specialist who looked your own health and fears in the eye to support women to do the same. In this conversation, we are getting into the why your fear response isn't a personal failing, it's biology. We talk about cortisol, blood sugar, circadian rhythm, and why the high-achieving, do-it-all, never flinch version of you might actually be running on a body that's stuck in survival mode. Dr. Stacy breaks down the difference between good stress and bad stress, what she calls safety signals. And when the goal isn't to never feel fear, it's to stop living there. Welcome to Don't F and Shrink, the podcast, where we stop playing small and start showing up big. I'm your host, Daphne Allwine, and I'm here to cut through the noise, ditch the self-doubt, and get honest about what it takes to live and lead with unapologetic confidence. Each week you'll hear unfiltered conversations, powerful stories, and in real life strategies to help you take up space in your life, your work, and your world. So buckle up because shrinking is not an option here. Let's dive in. Stacey, thank you for joining us today.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

Oh my gosh, what a beautiful intro.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Thank you so much. Where does this all stem from? What's what's the origin on the finding a way through fear for you?

SPEAKER_00 1:55

You know, I think it's been a blessing and a curse with my my family dynamic. I come from a family that survived the Holocaust. And a lot of that generational stress has been passed down. I see it in my whole family. And with that being said, when you've been in an actual survival experience, everything new is tagged as a threat, right? And so seeing that, and also for me, never wanting to be that way and seeing so many people get trapped in their own just, you know, their own mental blocks. And to be like, why are you doing this to yourself? It really is that beautiful story of like the yin and the yang, like the polarity of like experiencing and being like, yeah, I'm not doing that. Like fear is a normal response, right? Like it's a normal thing, but it's like, how, how long are you going to let that perpetuate? Right. It's one thing to have that. I recently just had a speaking engagement and I had to remind myself that fear and excitement feel the same. They're the same chemically in your body, right? And like, why? So like my nervous system usually would go to, oh, fear, like you should be really scared. But then I kept reminding myself, no, it's because you're excited. And so just kind of remembering that it's the same chemical compounds that are happening is like we can use that and we can shift that perspective, but also making sure, like, yeah, we have this fearful response to something, but we it can stop there. We don't have to continue to give it energy.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

What's your work like when someone's working with you? What are some of the challenges those folks are facing?

SPEAKER_00 3:36

You know, I think right now we're at a unique time where uh people are just completely bombarded with information that we equate as knowledge or wisdom, but the wisdom only comes with experience of integration of all of that information, right? Like, and so like we think we know a lot about things, but we don't really know how it applies to us or if it does even apply to us. So I find that to be a challenge. I also find that so many people, I think a lot of it is that we're fear is when you're disconnected from your internal purpose, right? And your your inner voice. And I think so many people, the more distracted we are, the more information we take in, and the less we tune in with our actual, like ourselves, then it just compounds and becomes bigger than it is. And I think a lot of people kind of live in that state where they are not tuned in to their purpose, their gift, you know, and their instinct and their intuition. And so it's easy to get lost if you're not actively trying to connect back to that. And that's how we get consumed with the fear and the fear-based. I mean, everything, if you think about it, is fear-based marketing. I mean, if anyone who's ever taken marketing or advertising knows that you hit the fear points, you hit the pain points. And that's everything that we're exposed to, even if it seems helpful. And so I think that those are the biggest hitters that people they're taking in more than they can process, they're losing their inner voice, and it creates this whole like perfect storm of just being stuck.

SPEAKER_01 5:10

Do you have certain ways that you like to help people process through some of that stuckness?

SPEAKER_00 5:16

The easiest way I find is to create space. Anyone who's making you feel like you're not exactly where you're supposed to be on social media or any information that you're taking in that's not really contributing to your benefit, but more confusion, you have to step away. You have to create space. And then actually neurologically creating space by meditation or a gratitude practice or journaling or something like you have to practice time out of that state that you've been conditioned in. And then you have to bring in a new state. So this is where it organically a meditation gratitude practice pairs really beautifully together because you are taking some time out of that conditioned state, and then you're coming in with a higher emotional state that's gonna be more empowering and it's gonna set your subconscious to start reaffirming something positive than all of those negative things. Because when you're scared of something, your subconscious is gonna say, Yes, you're right. You should be terrified of this because remember when this happened, look at this. Like it's just it's it all it wants to do is reaffirm what you believe. And so if you start to believe something different, you're gonna get your subconscious working alongside with you too, saying, Okay, now let's believe in this. Let's believe in something higher than what we've experienced.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

It's all programming, right? And I think in the in the PT world, we call it kinesiophobia, which means if you haven't done a movement before, it seems fearful or it can feel fearful in your body. So it actually suspends people from exercising, doing the things, or even trying anything new. Because, like you said, if you've never done it before, it feels uncomfortable and sometimes discomfort can elevate, right? And send off certain things, alarms. But I love that you really double down. And I'm glad that you mentioned that, that like it's smarter, not harder, right? Like it's like choose the simple, like what's your goal forward, but how do you get past the hard? Because I know a lot of people say, oh, meditation, that's just so hard. Like, what's what's the what's the simple paths past the initial hard?

SPEAKER_00 7:18

Obviously, as someone whose nervous system has been stuck, you know, in that like survival fight or flight, like chemically, biochemically, it's uh thinking of sitting with your own thoughts is actually terrifying because your thoughts are ruminating, right? Like you're predicting the worst in your head all day, every day. So it really is like, okay, well, maybe you're um doing a guided meditation where someone's just telling you to stop thinking, right? Like where you are just doing something very supportive, or maybe you're just listening to some beautiful music for 10 minutes, you know, or sitting outside in nature, listening to the birds. It doesn't always have to be this like, oh, you have to do an hour of just complete silence, right? It's just meeting that person where their nervous system is at and encouraging that. But it is very important that they spend time out of their conditioned state so that they can bring in a new neurological network eventually.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

Yeah. One of the other conversations I have with clients often is when they get stuck in something of fear, a discomfort, what you know, their nervous system's going off and they can't regulate. We play the zoom, zoom in, zoom out game. It's like a fun game where like you you can catastrophize because it's really easy to catastrophize. You see something on the news, right? And this is what I call the zoom out. So it's like, oh my God, I saw this catastrophe on the news. And not that that's not relevant, but it is, it is like a scan of your body, right? Like this is the zoom out. There's everything feels paralyzed, right? I like to play the game where I say, okay, what's one thing going on in this moment with your family in your tiny unit that you're really excited to connect to? And then the opposite is true too. Like you get stuck in a decision at work, right? Where you're like, oh my God, analysis, paralysis, you know, I'm supposed to have this filed, I'm supposed to have, you know, this, this done. And you get so fixated here that the same thing works if you're like, yeah, but I just had that great weekend with my family, or things are going like it's it's that zoom in, zoom out thing that like really gets people unstuck, I've noticed. So do you have a strategy for clients that way? Does this something that you kind of like snap them out of it?

SPEAKER_00 9:26

I mean, I feel like everybody's in a different state. I will say, because we talk a lot about this being biological and chemical as well. So what I find is that a lot of people have to connect to some foundational footwork, so to speak, first by actually balancing their blood sugar in their body, which makes all of the fear-based thinking and the survival thinking a million times worse because your body's in chemical chaos and then you have life chaos on top of it. So doing things like stabilizing the foundation, stabilizing blood sugar, optimizing your circadian rhythm, those things make it very much easier to snap out of these survival states when chemically your body's a little bit more sound and grounded. So some people need some work there first because the nervous system stuff doesn't stick.

SPEAKER_01 10:15

I love that you bend to the biology and you're like, okay, well, what's going on in here? And because we always say, you know, is it perimenopause? Is it this and those sort of things? But so do you do you do that sort of testing with clients? Can you talk about that a little bit?

SPEAKER_00 10:29

Yeah, I do. So, you know, I always think stabilizing the physical body has to come first and foremost because when we get that stable, then the mental emotional piece becomes a little bit more clear and also something that is able to be managed. Because, like I said, now you've stabilized the chemical, the biochemical part of the body. So I'll do it, depending on the person and where they're at, we'll do blood sugar testing together. We will do um hormone testing together to see how much of this is actually because I think a lot of there's a lot of shame because people think that they're wrong in thinking a certain way, thinking in these like perpetual, like, why do I always go to predicting the worst? But a lot of that is because your cortisol might be through the roof or your blood sugar might be swinging all day and your body is living in life or death, whether you realize it or not, chemically all day, you're not gonna see the big picture when that's happening. So we do, we will utilize some of those things and even just like, you know, sometimes the gut and the nervous system talking to each other. If the gut's completely dysregulated, that's gonna send signals to your nervous system to obviously like, you know, it's going to stress the whole body. And so if we we based on where that individual is, we'll will there be some data or some testing that we may layer in to start bringing that. But I will tell you, that's a beautiful part of working with someone is that when we stabilize the physical and then they tell me, like, oh, I changed jobs or oh, I moved, or whatever it may be, you can tell that it's all coming together because they finally got their internal uh chaos under control. So it is this beautiful accumulation of events that does happen. But that's why a lot of times if you start with the big life change first, your body and your nervous system will reject that because chemically you're still, you're gonna have that buyer's remorse. You're gonna have all those, your body can't keep up with that, you know?

SPEAKER_01 12:25

I'm so glad you said that. I think that's one of those things where it is. It is, this is a chemical stew you're living in. And I don't mean that in a negative way, but there is balancing. There is, you know, we we have sodium potassium pumps, we have these things, these regulative like cell functions for a reason. I have definitely bumped into that myself where I'm like, wow, I feel depressed, I feel stuck, I feel things like that, not even fully recognizing that, wow, I might have a sinus infection, right? Or, you know, we also know that in in Western medicine, that the actual metrics don't always match what's going on with your body because they're just a standard metric. So your thyroid could be off, but it's not registering at a level where you need, you know, medication yet and things like that. Especially if you've been through a physical stressful, whether it's, you know, uh post-pregnancy or you're breastfeeding or anything or post-surgery or anything going on. One of the fun things, and I'm glad we're talking about this, is you have to look at how you're feeding your body or how you're fueling your body. And it may look different in a traditional medical testing or metrics setup. So is that something you see where you're like, this, you know, standard doctor would say this, but maybe we can dig into this further?

SPEAKER_00 13:42

Oh, totally. I mean, I always have to go beyond the um standard ranges, right? When we're trying to optimize. But but I always call them um safety signals. Everybody needs different safety signals, right? And that could be anything from getting proper sunlight to consistent meal timing, even that is enough that can send the body just in that stress, chaos loop of like, sometimes I have breakfast, sometimes I don't. Lunch is hit or miss. Like when times in the day when your body naturally is a higher cortisol state, you really have to be supporting that with those safety signals of light and food and those sort of things. So teaching them that and teaching them that their body's not messing up, you know, when it goes to that state of anxiety or panic or whatever it may be, that it's just responding appropriately to its conditions. And so if we want to change the response, we have to change the conditions.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

Thank you for saying that. It is, it is. Like, what are you feeling with? Because I think we're we're inherently sort of like conditioned to believe that that we're doing something wrong or there's something missing. But I love that you're like, let's pay attention to the signals. What's a starting point for most clients?

SPEAKER_00 14:52

I think one of the biggest things is just connecting to the body's natural rhythm, like connecting to the circadian rhythm. And what that means is like I was just kind of saying, with your cortisol has a natural fluctuation to it that goes throughout the day. And so teaching people that, hey, when your cortisol's higher in the day, you need sunlight, you need your movement, you need to have your calories when cortisol's high. And then when it drops down lower in the day, that's when your body starts to repair and heal. And so a lot of the mismatch of biobiology and biochemistry is because we're we're still at a rhythm with that. We're eating our biggest meal right before we go to bed when our digestion's already slowed down, our metabolism's already slowed down, and we expect things to just function as normal. And so when you connect to your body's natural rhythm, you start to see that that has a positive impact on all of your physiology, you know, and it's it's because each system kind of runs on its own clock. And so when you connect to that hormonally, metabolically, your whole system feels safe and supported. And so that's the easy way to just kind of think about I'm gonna eat with the sun. I'm going to sleep and digest and repair when the sun goes down. Like that's a really nice beginner step everybody could start to do, and that we all need to do because that's how we're designed.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

Right, right out of the gate. I mean, even as women, we know we have a we have a cycle of availability when it comes to energy and hormones. And it's it's hard to say, but I had to learn this later on after I started having children that in the week of your period, you are meant to take more rest. You're meant to exercise differently, move differently, and and actually nourish your body differently. Is that something you get to talk about with clients?

SPEAKER_00 16:40

Yes, absolutely. Yes, absolutely. Especially because like this perimenopause like timeline is just being stretched and stretched and stretched. When I say, like, no, your stress more your stress hormones are showing now. That's what's happening, right? Like we're not, it's this is not an emergency. This is just you, your when your hormone sex hormones fluctuate, your stress hormones show. And that's all it is. And so it's just shows you where you can dial things in a little bit more because what you get away with in your 20s looks completely different, you know, 30 and beyond. So throw a few pregnancies in there and it gets even more wacky, but that's just how it is. So you have to really be more dialed into your individual needs hormonally and metabolically, and what your body, just like we were talking about safety signals, but also what is your body tag as a threat? Because what your friend might be doing might be totally different for your body, your nervous system, your cortisol levels, those kind of things. So it really is just like, okay, is that HIT workout six days a week serving you? Right. Like you might feel good in the moment.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

I'm glad you're saying this. Glad we're echoing this. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

Yeah. But like, but but where's your um your kind of like Bell's curve of where it's beneficial versus causing more stress and more, you know, drain on you than you can recover from? So really it's just dialing in those individual things, safety signals and stressors, right? The finding the balance of those. And it's not to say, oh, just don't ever stress your body, because I'm all about some hormetic stressors, right? Those are what make us resilient. So it's not to be scared, but it's like, which ones do I dial in? You know, which ones have the most impact on me.

SPEAKER_01 18:21

I love that. I love it. Is there a way that you sort of help people understand what's an essential stress and what's a not so essential stress?

SPEAKER_00 18:29

You know, I I always, yeah, it's always just like hidden there. Um, you know, as we talk through their lifestyle and things like that, there's always these things. And it generally is like, okay, where can we bring in more safety? How much of the good stress do we need that feels supportive and not too much, right? Because a lot of times as people are doing like, oh, cold plunging is great. I'm gonna do it every single day as intense as I can. And then they're like, or like the hip workouts all the time. And they're like, why is my hair falling out? I'm like, well, that's a sign it's way too much stress for you, right? It goes back to let's optimize sleep, let's get blood sugar stable, let's get cortisol stable, and then layer in the hormetic stressors that your body loves, whether it's the sauna or fasting or weight training that we eventually everybody needs to work into, you know. So we do just I kind of meet them where they're at, stabilize, and then we layer in the stressors as needed because most people are just doing too much of everything.

SPEAKER_01 19:31

Yes. Yeah. Dr. Stacey, thank you for having this conversation with us. I think this say this again, hormetic stressors. Is that the word you use?

SPEAKER_00 19:39

Hormetics.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

Okay. I was like, we uh this is a Google search later. These are the good ones. These are the the ones you want in your life. I'm so excited we're having this conversation because I think that's the thing is we don't, as a group or as a generation, we don't actually know what good stress is versus bad. And I think this is the great start of like some real curiosity with folks and like how movement stressors can be beneficial, how environmental can be beneficial, how you know, dietary, you know, stressors, the way we fast and things like that can be beneficial. But like you said, there are some safety signals. And I think that's huge. Is there like a fa, is there like a typical five like safety signals that people might be ignoring that they do or don't know?

SPEAKER_00 20:24

Like I said, the more you live in alignment with your body's natural rhythm and you're like, okay, breakfast and lunch are gonna be a consistent time every single day. That's a safety signal to my body. And then I'm gonna step outside and I'm gonna be outside sometime in the morning so my body knows appropriately which hormones to synthesize and to start modulating cortisol a little bit. Just doing things like that that seem way too easy, but those are the actual game changers for it. So it's generally food and lighting are the biggest impact as far as the safety signals we can bring in. So it's like get like black, blue light where you can, especially from sunset on, right? Because that's just telling your body to make more cortisol. Get outside, get out of the artificial light environment as much as you can. That's another beautiful way to modulate cortisol and connect back to the body's clock. Those are not just easy ways that everybody can kind of like start to get their body into a natural rhythm. So, like I said, the rest of the physiology, the nervous system, those fall into place. We're just complicated house plants, right?

SPEAKER_01 21:28

We just need to like sun, water, all those things. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

Yes, definitely. Yeah.

unknown 21:33

Dr.

SPEAKER_01 21:33

Stacy, thank you for talking with us. And how do people get to hear more from you? Or I know you have a podcast too. Can you talk a little bit about that?

SPEAKER_00 21:41

Sure. Yeah. I have a podcast. It's just a solo one. Um, I really just like to go more in depth than obviously we can do on Instagram on some things. We don't have much time on there. And so it's vibing well with Dr. Stacy. And my biggest platform is Instagram.

SPEAKER_01 21:56

Awesome. We will definitely put all your info in the notes here so people can follow you and listen and catch up with you. This has been an awesome conversation. Yes. If you are stuck, if you're a listener who might be stuck, doesn't know where to start, I mean, start with being a complicated houseplant for sure. And then if you go to our website at LiftProWellness, there's a simple quiz, a two-minute quiz that you can take that just kind of gives you an idea of where you're standing today and where you might get a jump start about what's going on with your lifestyle and how to step forward. So thank you everybody for listening today. Dr. Stacy, thanks for being a part. And uh we'll talk to you guys next week.