09: Parenting While Pink-Slipped: Rebuilding Career and Confidence with Kathleen Borgueta

When life hands you a pink slip in the middle of postpartum recovery, how do you rebuild not just your career, but your confidence, identity, and sense of purpose?

In this episode of Don’t Fkn Shrink*, Daffney Allwein sits down with Kathleen Borgueta, founder of Pivoting Parents, a community created to help parents navigate professional pivots, layoffs, and reinvention with resilience and grace.

Kathleen shares her story of receiving her layoff notice while newly postpartum and recovering from a C-section, a moment that could have broken her but instead became the spark for something transformative. Through vulnerability, grit, and community, she turned her experience into a movement that empowers parents to reclaim their power and purpose after career disruptions.

💬 “I received my pink slip sitting on the floor of my community center in my postpartum. I could not have been more freshly minted a mom.”

✨ In this episode:

• What it really looks like to navigate identity loss after a layoff
• The emotional and physical impact of job loss during postpartum recovery
• How Pivoting Parents helps moms and dads find clarity and community in the mess
• Building resilience through purpose and service
• Why grief is part of growth and how to rebuild stronger than before
  
  

🎟️ Event Spotlight:
 Don’t miss Kathleen’s upcoming event, Life After Layoffs: Navigating Grief and Building Resilience with Dr. Maya, happening November 7, 2025, at 12 PM ET.
 👉 Register on Eventbrite

🌐 Connect with Kathleen:
 Website: https://www.pivotingparents.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pivotingparents/
LinkedIn (Personal): https://www.linkedin.com/in/kathleenborgueta/
LinkedIn (Company): https://www.linkedin.com/company/pivoting-parents/

🎧 Listen now for an honest, hopeful conversation about motherhood, layoffs, and rediscovering who you are when life doesn’t go to plan.

Transcript

0:00

I like to tell people that it wasn't just me that was fired. It really was my whole family. It radically changed the circumstances of our life here in Washington, DC, and everything that I had worked so hard to build in my 15 plus years career. As a maternal and child health specialist working to save babies around the world, suddenly I had a newborn. I didn't know what I was going to do next. What I will say is what I gained from working in public health and development. I had the privilege of supporting countries in East Africa. What I saw all around the world is that in crisis, communities come together, and particularly mothers and women step up. Welcome to Don't F***ing Shrink, the podcast, where we stop playing small and start showing up big. I'm your host, Daphne Allwine, and I'm going to cut through the noise, ditch the self-doubt, and get honest about what it takes to live and lead with unapologetic confidence. Each week, you'll hear unfiltered conversations, powerful stories, and even real-life strategies to help you take up space in your life, your work, and your world. So buckle up, because shrinking is not an option here. Let's dive in. Hey, everyone. Thanks for joining us for another episode of Don't F***ing Shrink, the podcast. Now it is spooky season. And one of the scariest things that we're seeing right now is a lot of government shutdowns and layoffs, and people are feeling a little uncomfortable. Yeah, a little scared. And what we are doing this week is we are talking pivoting anyway, and I have the pleasure of getting to talk to Kathleen Borgetta. She is the former US aider, and now founder of Pivoting Parents. And Kathleen is here to talk about the strength in that pivot. Hey, Kathleen. Hey, good morning. Kathleen, you've been doing the work for all of us. You have been on all these different stations and channels and creating workshops for folks who are in this space right now where we don't know what's next in this shutdown, and good God, we need community. So I've been talking a lot about pivoting. Thank you for being with us. Thank you so much for having me. Kathleen, you've got a really incredible story too, by the way. So not just shutdown related for you, but you actually got a big old pink slip when you were a brand new fresh mom. Absolutely. I've been playing with a couple hashtags for my life. Earlier this year, it was hashtag parenting while doged. Now it's parenting while pink slipped. It's really been a huge, the nice word is adventure so far. I actually was due last year on election day. And as somebody who's lived in DC for over 20 years, somebody who's worked in the federal government, somebody who is a public servant, it was really bizarre to be counting down the days both to my first born and the election. And to experience the shift in administration, to experiencing the dismantling of USAID, it's really become totally interwoven with my experience becoming a new mom and dealing with all the postpartum things that come with that. Yes. So the way I tell the story to folks is that I actually received my pink slip sitting on the floor of my community center in my postpartum support group. Like I could not have been more freshly minted a mom. I was struggling through some post-cessarian complications. We were all talking about how we were preparing to return to the workforce and I got a ping on my phone. I was anticipating it, wondering if it would be a furlough or a termination, trying to get information and indeed I got my pink slip and all of my benefits ended by midnight that night. So it was a real shock to the system. Oh my word. Okay. Even without the hormonal changes and the lack of sleep, it would have been a huge change to my life. Yeah. But coupled with being a new mom, I can't stress enough what a shock to the system, my layoff was and something I just really hadn't ever contemplated. Yeah. That entire chapter where people are just being let go or asked to leave or early retirement. I think it's interesting that when we watch the news, we just see it as numbers. We see things as numbers, but giving this a face, giving this a, I am just shy of a C-section recovery. I'm sitting there holding a brand new baby. This is a new chapter in my life. And for something that you had no control over, you didn't decide to not go to work that day. You're holding a baby and your future looks really different in that moment. I don't think a lot of people got to see the actual effect or the actual unfurling of how things played out. But I really appreciate you telling your story. I think people need to hear that. So in that moment, this is a don't fucking drink moment that we're talking about. You're sitting there. What's the pivot for you? What happens in your mama brain, in your professional outlook at that point? Yeah. This was all the way back in January, just a week after the inauguration. I don't think I was at all prepared. I hadn't contemplated a pivot. I had planned the world's most perfect maternity leave and return to work. I only got 10 days maternity leave on my federal contract. So I had perfectly stitched through how I thought I was going to piece leave together. I had built and mentored a team that was going to help me through this time and returning into work. I had so planned how I was going to control my return to work and control myself as a working motherhood. Yes. Then all of that was just stripped away. Any sense that I had control over this situation was really taken from me and from my family. I like to tell people that it wasn't just me that was fired. It really was my whole family. It radically changed the circumstances of our life here in Washington, DC. Everything that I had worked so hard to build in my 15 plus years career, as a maternal and child health specialist working to save babies around the world, suddenly I had a newborn. I didn't know what I was going to do next. What I will say is what I gained from working in public health and development, I had the privilege of supporting countries in East Africa. What I saw all around the world is that in crisis, communities come together and particularly mothers and women step up. I tell people all the time when people are like, "How are you doing this?" I have seen time and time again in the worst, most dire circumstances, the ways in which women and mothers come to the table and figure things out. Not shrinking, not quite a pivot moment. I'm trying not to cry for you right now. By the way, no, ladies, these are some very intense, things where if you've ever had the privilege of being a new mom, or if you've ever had the opportunity, it is. You feel like you owe it to the world to quickly, quickly get back from this status that you're in so you can go back to this version of yourself. Not really recognizing that there's no such thing. You can't go back to who you were once you've created a human being. But I think so poetic in some ways that you also got to see this in your work play out. You got to offer that support. It's like the universe was like, "Hey, Kathleen, not only do we need you to do this for USAID, but now we're going to go ahead and create a pivot where you have no choice. You have no choice. It's not up to you. You've been 15 years into this. So you can bring this stateside. So you can bring this to a community here directly around you." Is that what it feels like? For sure. I mean, it's easy now, several months down the line and my family's doing well, my little baby's thriving to see the path. At the time, it very much felt like the bottom just fell out. The rug was pulled out from underneath me. I was really in it. I was struggling with some mobility post-cissarian. I was losing my hair. I wasn't sleeping. I can't really remember exactly where I pulled from, to be totally honest. Thank you. That's what I'm saying. Where did that depth come from? Physically. Yes. I wasn't physically ready, emotionally ready, financially, professionally ready to return to the workforce. And I just didn't know where to start. Yeah. I guess the part that is hard to convey to folks who haven't maybe had a postpartum experience is that even without job loss, these are still issues that mothers are really already contemplating. Who am I as a mother now? Who am I as a worker now? How do I meld these things together? Yeah. So trying to re-envision while in survival mode is really a lot to ask of anyone. And let's be honest, I think every mother would say, regardless of their employment circumstances, postpartum is survival mode. You are just getting by. Yes. So it really just crystallized for me all of that experience. Like I said, it's all interwoven. Everything about the matrescence for me is for me. So I think that's actually the lesson here is like, you had to find community, right? You had to build your own community from this situation. What did that look like? How did you start? So after lots of crying, I realized, I didn't have any interview clothes. Like I literally could not put myself into a relationship with my parents. I realized, I didn't have any interview clothes. Like I literally could not put myself into the physical clothing I would normally go out to try and rejoin the workforce. Yes, yes. I couldn't go to job fairs, which a lot of my colleagues were doing. I really had to embrace being a parent in a way that I didn't realize. Okay. I'll share with your listeners that... I think the more honest, it's raw, right? Yeah, it's a raw time. Go ahead. I was so scared of being a new mom and out on the job market alone that I actually was meeting with people that I knew that I had gone to college with or worked with before. And I didn't even tell them I'd had a baby. I was so scared and so worried about the stigma of what I'd be able to do in a new job as a postpartum person. Yeah. I just started taking networking meetings frantically and denying and ignoring this huge thing that was so front of mind and that I was experiencing very palpably and tangibly in my body at all times. And I just realized I couldn't do it anymore. I was having all these networking meetings and then rushing home to feed my baby. None of it fit. And I just wasn't ready to be the old version of myself. Yeah. It didn't exist anymore as you were saying. So I started doing some coaching and I tried to think a little bit about, okay, what's my dream job? What are all these things? And honestly, none of that fit either. I wasn't in a space to dream. Okay. I couldn't think. It's like your brain is doing other things, right? Yeah. What worked? Like in that space, I know, like you said, some of it is figuring out what doesn't work because that's the way you would have done it. I mean, it is so profound to me that like it's so telling about the job market that you felt like you had to hide your own child, this brand new beautiful arm that you created of your life, right? In order to feel like you had value in the workforce, you were hiding that about yourself, right? Yeah. And again, to reiterate, like I used to work in maternal child health. This is something that I value. It is a core mission driven value to who I am as a professional. And even I felt like, oh, I can't tell anyone I'm breastfeeding or, oh, I can't tell anyone that I'm a new mom or I was physically uncomfortable sitting in one of my networking meetings because I was still recovering. So I try now, one of the reasons that I am trying to tell my story and live this story loudly, is to help enlighten folks and also give others permission to share what this is like for them and to give people a window into like, I'm not a faceless bureaucrat. Me, my family, my story is real. And yes, these are sort of extraordinary circumstances, but as I've grown pivoting parents, people resonate back to me that this is such a universal experience, whether their caregiving for an older child, for their parents, the ways in which we make small boxes for ourselves and don't reflect our authentic selves as workers is so paralyzing. And we often do it to ourselves. I was doing this to myself. No one told me, oh, don't tell anyone. I told myself that. It's amazing, right? So in this moment, in this meeting, my meeting former colleagues, classmates, things like that to grow, right? Or maybe find another possession. Because that's what we tell ourselves is like, we need to go back. We need to go back. We need to go back. What's the moment where you realized you couldn't go back or there was no back? I, like many of my colleagues and other folks who have lost their jobs and sort of these industry shifts, I was just doom scrolling on LinkedIn and everybody I knew, everybody I had ever worked with in every place I'd ever worked was fired for load or waiting for the ax to fall. And I was in this very special circumstance where like, I couldn't be out. I wasn't going to be producing the number of resumes and cover letters that my colleagues were. And I knew I wasn't really ready to like start a job tomorrow. So I really had to recalibrate. I needed to think what made me special? Like what about this? Yeah. Challenge was actually a strength. Yeah. What about these, you know, gaps and how I was able to approach the job market would actually be a bridge for me forward. Yeah. And I really just needed a community of other people who understood and got it. I can't be a part of it. I needed people who understood and got it. I kept on being told by people, friends, colleagues, family, oh, you're so lucky. You should really just enjoy this time with your son. Like this is actually a blessing, make lemonade, which I like to think that the story that I'm telling my son and the reason I'm doing all of this is that I'm making lemonade out of lemons. But when you're forced into a situation like this, it's really difficult to feel like it is a blessing. Yeah. And I didn't get to choose this for myself. So it's like a very difficult dynamic to always feel grateful. Yeah. Even though this time with him is incredible. And I, you know, now with the, you know, a little bit of time and distance and a little bit more sleep under my belt. Yes. I do embrace that more readily. Yeah. But I think for folks who might think, oh, well, you know, you're just getting an extended maternity leave. Yeah. They're not really seeing the full picture of what this looks like for me and for other parents in the situation who are really facing like a loss of purpose. Yeah. And there's so much guilt and shame that comes with not being able to provide for your family and the way that you had intended. Yeah. And not being able to show up in a confident way into the world when some of the ways which you contributed to the world aren't available to you anymore. It's like your mission and you got to be on Love's podcast, Who I Love and Love came on ours to talk about it. And this is our circle, but it's amazing that she said this so profoundly. So if you haven't heard Love's podcast, she is fed upward and she has been doing this for years and Kathleen came on our show and it really is, and she said it so dynamically that you start to identify with your mission. When you're a government employee, when you're somebody who, especially after 15 years, right, you identify with your mission, it becomes part of who you are, it becomes part of your identity. And if you're in the DC area, what's the first question anybody asks you when they meet you, right, other than, you know, where you live is basically what do you do? And it's so interesting. So we become so ingrained in this mission. And for you, this power pivot or this Joe-Fucking-Drink moment that I love for you is that you started supporting others. Can you tell me what Pivoting Parent is? Yeah. So Pivoting Parents is the community that I didn't have when all of this happened. So I am really building out the network support systems and infrastructure that would have been ideal when I lost my job back in January. Yes. Initially, I started literally two months after I was let go, I strapped my baby on and we went to the public library and I hosted our first meeting. Yes. And I thought that it would be a lot of new parents like me, even our signs were like, "New parents, come join us." Almost no new parents came. Wow. Okay, okay. It was trying to-- They're busy breastfeeding. Yeah. It was mostly people with school-age kids who came. Okay. Which is understandable because like the same challenges I was having getting out the door to go to job fairs is exactly what was keeping other new parents at home. Yeah. So I really have opened the doors wide to any kind of parent, any type of caregiver. Yeah. We often have the same challenges, same responsibilities. It's really about welcoming folks just into an inclusive space where you can show up as a job searcher, but also as a whole person. That wraparound of mental health support, job and professional services. And I'm really proud to share that I'm currently seeking funding to start our own collaborative childcare program. Yay. We all need that. Because the number one thing I hear from my peers is, "I just can't get cover letters done with my baby on my lap." Obviously, you know? Yes. Toddlers do not like professional interviews. It turns out things are not skilled. It's really critical to like find opportunities for us to help each other. And I am looking to launch a collaborative childcare where you give a few hours of childcare, you get a few hours of childcare. I found a few venues across the DMV area that are willing to support us. Yes. And ideally, I would like to be able to roll it out so people have both the flexibility they need, but also the consistency where they know if they have an interview, they can get a few hours. They can just get hours. And plan for that. Yeah. And also just bringing people together in their job search. One of the hardest things I think right now besides just losing a job is losing that camaraderie and being so isolated. Yeah. Postpartum, obviously very isolating. I spent a lot of time just like laying on the floor, playing with my baby for hours on end. Yep. And I think it's important to really provide the supports for people so that they can be together, use that adult part of their brain, dust it off a little bit, get it ready to go. Yeah. You know, we're-- I mean, I can even speak to that. And that, you know, like sometimes just a coffee shop with another adult, right, is just so, yeah, and it's so funny how people really do want to help. People really do want to be involved in any positive way generally when they see that you are a new parent. So pivotingparents.com, right? Yes. How do people come in? I know you've got a lot of great resources and we're going to talk about a workshop actually. Do you mind talking about the workshop you have coming up, November or Senate? Yes. So November 7th happens to be upcoming right after Halloween. We are hosting a workshop. It'll be two hours with our partner, Selenova Psychology. Happens to be my sister, Dr. Maya. Exactly. Keeping it in the family. She'll be leading a workshop around self-compassion and resilience. We're calling it life after layoffs. It's totally sector agnostic. It's for anybody facing a job transition. And we're talking about some of the things we've been already touching on, but thinking about how to give yourself compassion in this space, how to be a little kinder to ourselves through our job search, how to combat shame and guilt, how to use practical tools around letting go and not trying to control things quite so much. DC's famous for its type A personalities. I have found many public servants to be so. And I should say it really is open. My sister founded her practice after experiencing a layoff in the tech industry. So totally sector agnostic. Anybody experiencing layoffs or career disruption, transitions in your job, this is a space for you to come and learn practical tools for a little bit of mental health upkeep. And is open to anybody. You don't have to have done therapy before and it will be interactive. So there will be small breakout sessions, opportunities for people to share if they would like. But really just giving you some tools. It's interesting. It's like you said, it is interactive. I think that's one of those things when people jump on a virtual format for a workshop, they're like, "Okay, I'll just sit and listen and I'll sit back here. I'll turn the screen off." When you are in it and you need that community, turn that screen on, and be willing to share. And there's, I don't know, there's safety for me that when I share with strangers, it just feels more authentic. It just feels more complete because no one is over there judging that this is my third child, or I was laid off, or I just don't like my job anymore. I mean, power pivoting in this way doesn't mean that you got laid off from tech or from the government. It could just be, I want to be in a community with other people who are ready to pivot, and I need the support. And it's just profound that you're offering this because this is what you needed, right? What can people expect when they come to workshop with you? I always try to make all of our events really as inclusive as possible. I always tell people if you need to pump or feed, or if your kid needs to be on your lap, all are acceptable. Kiddos are always welcome at all Pivoting Parents events. So feel free to come as you are. You can have your camera on or your camera off. We do ask that people be interactive and really interact with the tools because that's going to allow you to use them in your everyday life. And in building this with my sister, we really talked about what were some practical, tangible daily practices that we could all put into our lives with a very low effort. Because I know we're all stretched, particularly parents are overstretched. And trying to find those little micro opportunities to improve your mental health, give you a break. And hopefully, we're aiming to give a few tools. So if one doesn't work for you, maybe another one will. And giving you those options so that you can flex in and flex out depending on what your mental status is. I know mine changes radically depending on how my son slept. Or did I get a job rejection today? Or did it rain outside? So really giving people the options. Yeah, exactly. So I think it'll be... The thing I really asked of my sister was trying to give people high impact, low effort options to really try and do a little more mental health maintenance. Not to be too much of a downer, but as you can imagine, while we're seeing a huge crisis just generally in mental health for parents, I think it was last year the Surgeon General said it was a national crisis, mental health for parents. People are just so burnt out, overstretched. But currently, with the political climate, and with so many layoffs, either hitting people, pending challenges with cost of living, people really are putting their mental health last in so many instances. Yes. I'm really hopeful that this will be something people can access. I did include in the link, there will be a discount for your listeners. But also, if anyone feels that that... It's a $15 ticket, $12 for your listeners with a discount. But if anyone feels like that is too much, I 100% understand. Please reach out to me and I'm providing scholarships for anyone to access. I feel like it's so important for people to access these resources. So Pivoting Parents and Stellanova Psychology will provide a free ticket to anyone who needs. Please don't let that be a barrier. I know how tight budgets are right now. Yes. Thank you for doing that. We're going to put all of that information, the workshop, your information, your website. In both ways, where if you are not in this phase of your life, but you remember this phase of your life, or you happen to be in a better circumstance, and you want to support this group and this work that they're doing, all of these links will be available in the show notes. Also, if you know somebody that could really benefit from this, like we said, your circumstances don't have to match. They don't have to be perfect. It's just somebody who is in a really transitional chapter, whether they wanted it to be or not. This is the support group. This is the group that they can come to and find solutions, and find voices, and find ears. Kathleen, what is three things maybe that you learned from this experience as a mom transitioning and realizing that you took your skills from the job world and created this thing that other people need? What's three things that really came for you? I don't think I was prepared in being a mother and experiencing these layoffs for how much my priorities were going to change. Okay. I had so prepared for my return to work, and one being a working mother was going to look like, and I was so focused on juggling things. But what I've been so grateful for in this experience is my priorities are clear. My family is first and foremost in a way that I think I had an inkling, but I didn't really know how powerful it would be as a mom, and as someone who's very much looking to get back into the workforce, how clarifying that would be for me. Just how much a priority my son is and my priorities around my family, my husband. I feel like that sounds maybe a little bit polyanna-ish, but I wasn't prepared for how clarifying and how laser focused I would be on my son, on my family, on my husband, while still actively getting it. I am trying to get back into the workforce, find a job. I thought there would be more tension for me, but it's been really clear, and I'm super grateful for that. Wow. So just clarifying your priorities, what a shift. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Another thing I would say, I think a lot of people experience this one becoming a new mom in general, but I think all of my weaknesses and all of my strengths have really just doubled down. All of the areas where maybe I wasn't so great at delegating, or I wasn't so great at saying no or letting go. I want to control of things. I think it really has crystallized all of those things within me, and I think it's sort of an interesting thing. I really want to model good behavior for my son. I really want to make sure that he's seeing healthy practices, a healthy evaluation of work and life and all the things that we juggle. I think it's an interesting way that I think I've both gotten a lot more clear on what my strengths and weaknesses are, and really trying to bring out the most out of all of that. What a total different leadership style, right? You're right. You're right. If you ever want a management review, have a kid, really, honestly. Yes. Yes. He is the toughest boss I've ever had, for sure. Let's see. The third thing I would say is just really a shift for me in vulnerability. I think he sees a place, again, those type A personalities. There was a lot of effort that I put into being a very polished person, and that's sort of impossible as a parent. There's just some of that shine that you're just not going to be able to produce every day. I think what's been so powerful for me about pivoting parents, about being a pivoting parent, is finding those areas where I can be vulnerable and authentic, and the power that that has had. I've been lucky enough to embrace that. It's still scary every day. I catch myself saying things. I'm like, "Ooh, is that a little too personal?" Or like, "Is that a little too vulnerable? Are people not going to take me seriously? Are they not going to want to hire me?" Again, all these narratives that we tell ourselves. But this has been an incredibly powerful lesson for me in trying to embrace that vulnerability. Just the way the world has given back to me when I stand in that space, I've been lucky enough to have some media attention. I've been lucky enough to ask to partner and do things that I just never thought were going to come my way. The only way that these opportunities presented themselves was by being myself, embracing the hard things in public, in front of everybody, in what's a superjudgmental space. Yes. I think we're making it real. We're making it authentic again. I think you're absolutely right. There was such a shift where people, it was almost competitive, who could be less human. There's a sort of dynamic of, "Let me be less human. Let me be very computer-like." But we have AI for that now. Now we can be our authentic self and say,"Yeah, I'm feeling shame in this moment. Yes, I'm feeling lost. I'm feeling unsupported." And I think, like you, the only times I feel like I've moved forward or I've gained clarity isn't letting myself be messy or creative. I like to use both words."Hey, I'm just going to say this thing out loud and the person who needs to hear it is there." I think that's the most profound thing about what you're doing and building this community is you are creating a space, not for a mess, not for what... Because I think sometimes people feel like a lack of control and they get really uncomfortable when someone's not perfect. You and I, our first meeting was me, I had to pump. I had no choice. And you just had so much compassion and love and we made such a joke out of it. That's just how we are. I appreciate you so much that you show up as yourself because I think anybody can put on a face. Anybody can put on a show, but the fact that you are showing up in this way because this is what you needed is the solution for a lot of people struggling right now. Kathleen, thank you for joining us. Thank you for not fucking shrinking. You could have sat on the floor in that mom's group, crowd your face off and made yourself the victim of your story, but you really... You're a hero here and I hope that you see your impact and how big it is. If you want to follow Kathleen and her story further or you want to support other people in this space, Pivoting Parents on Instagram, pivotingparents.com, if you want to check out her website and check out the show notes, check out this workshop. And even if it's not the space you're in right now, share this with somebody who is in that because I know all of us know somebody who's in that pivot, transvested space. Kathleen, thanks so much for joining us. Thank you. I appreciate it. All right. We'll talk to you guys next time. Thanks for joining. Don't fucking shrink. We'll be here and we'll continue this conversation as we go. Thanks for joining the conversation today. I'm so glad you're here. And if you know a friend who could benefit from this conversation, the share button is just below. And while you're there, hit subscribe. We want to keep you in the loop and keep you part of this conversation because none of us do this alone. Talk to you soon.