What No One Tells You About Starting a Podcast and Refusing to Shrink

 Welcome to the first episode of Don’t F*kn Shrink.

This show was born in a single moment. When Brittany Clark made a powerful declaration and then pulled back, I could not stay quiet. I told her: “Don’t Fkn Shrink.”* That moment lit the fire for everything you will hear here.

In this episode Brittany interviews me about why I had to bring this message to life. We talk about my journey, the lessons that shaped me, and why I believe confidence and resilience are skills we practice, not gifts we are born with.

You’ll hear:

• The story behind Don’t F*kn Shrink
• Why podcasting is the platform I chose to share without gatekeepers
• How childhood experiences and motherhood shaped my voice
• The role of courage, optimism, and nervous system awareness in building true confidence
• Why every single one of us has a story worth telling

This movement is about more than me. It’s about collaboration and lifting each other up. Check out Brittany’s Design work https://www.instagram.com/thewonderfoundry/

Transcript

[00:00:01:21 - 00:00:09:01]
Daffney  Allwein
 Hey everybody. Welcome to the DoN'T f*KN Shrink podcast. I am Daffney Allwein. I am your host.

[00:00:10:02 - 00:00:14:01]
Daffney  Allwein
 And I am actually with the woman who started it all for me.

[00:00:14:01 - 00:01:26:17]
Daffney  Allwein
 this is Brittany Clark and she has a really integral part of my story. And this podcast in particular, hi, Brittany. Hi. Now Brittany and I met in a CEO mom's business group and she had a really important declaration. We were doing a lot of, uh, coaching and treating each other to, uh, all the cheerleading we need. And Brittany started telling her story and she had a dynamic story about this big career jump, amazing thing she was ready to do. And in that same breath, I remember her shrinking back just a little bit, pulling back after she made this powerful declaration about what was really true and aligned with her. And I felt something bubble up. I was like, I can't hold back. I need to say something. So with as much love, I hope I, uh, I, I introjected myself into that conversation and I said, don't f*kng shrink. And right there, something was born. Something was born. We had coffee about it later and we talked about this exact podcast.

[00:01:27:19 - 00:01:35:07]
Daffney  Allwein
 Thanks Brittany. Brittany's going to be our host today. She's going to actually tell us what this podcast is all about and ask all the questions.

[00:01:35:07 - 00:02:26:18]
Brittany Clark
 Yes. I'm excited to be here. Thank you so much. And yeah, seriously, I remember that day and I remember it cause it, I was probably like six months postpartum still when we started it. And I remember I was still in the emotions, still like really deep in everything. And I was, yeah, telling my story and then you said it and it was the perfect thing that I needed to hear. And to this day, like I'll be doing something and I can feel myself shrinking and I can hear your voice like don't, I'm like, I'm back at it. I'm good. And forever life-changing. So yeah, I'm very excited to be a part of this and I'm very excited to be asking you all types of questions and yeah, yeah, I'm happy to be here. Awesome.

[00:02:28:06 - 00:02:31:16]
Daffney  Allwein
 Brittany, you are a mom. Yes. Like myself.

[00:02:33:03 - 00:03:02:09]
Daffney  Allwein
 And one of the biggest transformations you could ever make as a human being. I don't mean just as a woman. I mean as a human being to be put into this new situation where you are the leader of these little people and you are an instant leader, whether or not you think you have the training for it. And we have often commented on the mentorship that comes from just having children, their little teachers. I'm going to let you ask the big questions.

[00:03:02:09 - 00:03:07:17]
Brittany Clark
 Okay. All right. Okay. So why a podcast?

[00:03:08:20 - 00:03:16:10]
Daffney  Allwein
 Oh, well, I hope my, I hope my lead up might've been enough, but podcasting is one of those forums

[00:03:17:13 - 00:03:54:15]
Daffney  Allwein
 where you don't need to pay to play. You're not, you're not somebody who had to ever ask permission to share and help and help other people grow. And in a lot of their formats, broadcasting, speaking, I always sort of found that wall, that wall where you had to know someone, you had to be recognized by somebody, you had to be recognized by somebody, you had to, it was a little bit nepotism maybe in some ways, but podcasting is unapologetically and I hope for everybody authentic.

[00:03:55:23 - 00:04:14:11]
Brittany Clark
 Yeah. Yeah. That's, it's exactly that. I mean, it's something that you can, you can really get into and it's very personable too, which is really nice. I mean, you, no matter if you're listening to it when you're on a run or driving, you just feel super connected to someone. So it's always really nice to be able to do that.

[00:04:16:02 - 00:04:16:15]
Brittany Clark
 Let's see.

[00:04:17:18 - 00:04:17:23]
Brittany Clark
 Okay.

[00:04:19:09 - 00:04:19:13]
Brittany Clark
 Um,

[00:04:20:14 - 00:04:22:07]
Brittany Clark
 who was Daffney 10 years ago?

[00:04:22:07 - 00:04:24:09]
Daffney  Allwein
 Oh, 10 years ago?

[00:04:25:20 - 00:04:26:09]
Brittany Clark
 Okay. I'm sorry.

[00:04:26:09 - 00:04:30:08]
Daffney  Allwein
 Redo that question. Hey Dan, we're going to redo that question.

[00:04:30:08 - 00:04:34:06]
Brittany Clark
 10 years ago, I can see you were like, wait,

[00:04:34:06 - 00:04:36:21]
Daffney  Allwein
 edit or Dan coming in. All right. One more. Okay.

[00:04:38:19 - 00:04:39:15]
Brittany Clark
 Okay.

[00:04:40:21 - 00:04:44:16]
Brittany Clark
 So who was Daffney at 10 years old? Oof.

[00:04:44:16 - 00:04:45:19]
Daffney  Allwein
 Um,

[00:04:48:05 - 00:04:55:12]
Daffney  Allwein
 I see a lot of myself in my, uh, my oldest daughter and, uh, it's, it's a good, it's a good representation that at 10,

[00:04:57:20 - 00:05:27:23]
Daffney  Allwein
 I was somebody who really wanted to be taken seriously. I was somebody who really put a lot of myself out there to feel and absorb and notice everything in my environment, mostly people. And I learned very early on that even if I was a little bit of an introvert, uh, I was a people person, right? I, everybody's energy came through me. Everybody's,

[00:05:29:11 - 00:05:40:23]
Daffney  Allwein
 ooh, everybody was a mentor. You know, sometimes I talk about, um, never having a professional professional mentor, you know, never feeling like I had that teacher. I never had that, um,

[00:05:42:04 - 00:06:16:00]
Daffney  Allwein
 boss. I never had that, you know, coach for myself, you know, cause I've got a lot of clients who've mentioned their mentors. And I thought to myself, like, I can't name one single person that I would consider a mentor in my life. And in retrospect, the truth is that every person that I've ever met in my life has been my mentor. They've been another set of eyes. They've been another perspective. They've been a new ex another experience that I feel like I've lived, lived a thousand years already sometimes.

[00:06:17:07 - 00:06:22:03]
Brittany Clark
 Oh, that's beautiful. And that tend to be that self-aware that's, um,

[00:06:22:03 - 00:06:59:00]
Daffney  Allwein
 if I could tell you the odd Christmas requests I used to have as a child. Um, I, I joked, I joked with a friend one time when I was in second grade, I took myself so seriously, right? That I asked for because there weren't no computers back in my day. Um, I asked for an electric typewriter because I needed to write, I needed to write my memoir at that in second grade, like in second grade, I could finally read, right? I could finally write. And I needed an electric to like typewriter to do that. And do you know what I got that year? An electric typewriter and it had a handle, right? So I could carry it around. It was very convenient. Yeah.

[00:07:00:13 - 00:07:03:16]
Daffney  Allwein
 But, but as a child, like I knew that I had,

[00:07:04:16 - 00:07:20:01]
Daffney  Allwein
 this really important thing I needed to do, I needed to write it down. I needed to share with people. I needed to engage with people. And yeah, yeah, I have the oddest Christmas requests as a child.

[00:07:20:01 - 00:07:35:12]
Brittany Clark
 I think that's incredible. I think that's awesome that you were so self-aware to feel like you have such a purpose at that young age, because I mean at 10, what are we doing? You know, what are we doing at 10?

[00:07:37:01 - 00:07:45:12]
Brittany Clark
 Watching a lot of cartoons. And like, I mean, that's impressive. And that actually makes sense.

[00:07:45:12 - 00:08:56:15]
Daffney  Allwein
 Oh, thank you. It's funny because, you know, depending on where you grew up, you didn't have a lot of different experiences in the world. You were very, you know, you, maybe you grew up in a small community like I did. And there were only a certain number of jobs that you were exposed to. There was only a certain number of concepts. There certainly were only a certain number of cultures that, you know, I was exposed to. And I'm glad you said that, but TV was one of those mediums where like I was just compelled to just absorb TV and shows. And I watched way too much Nick at night or whatever was popular at the time, because I also wanted to connect with, and I didn't know this, right? I was, I was kid, but I really felt a sense of when I watched these like rerun shows, right? That I was able to connect with an entire generation of people. It's really funny to say that I can't tell you how many ridiculous dragnet quotes I know, or I live Lucy or whatever, whatever Brady Bunch reference I could come up with. And I can connect with generations of people through this experience I had that I got to live because TV offered that then. Right?

[00:08:56:15 - 00:09:09:07]
Brittany Clark
 That's very interesting. I say that because so do you think that that kind of like shaped you and wanting to connect and to, to write your memoir? Cause you wanted to like document and you wanted to kind of see,

[00:09:11:00 - 00:09:18:23]
Brittany Clark
 you're watching the TV shows. You're watching someone's life play out. Do you think that that kind of like gave you that want to,

[00:09:18:23 - 00:09:59:20]
Daffney  Allwein
 to document? I think I recognize early on if, if, if I had this self-awareness to know this, then I don't know if it was just innate to me at the time, but I knew I wasn't a fit for where I grew up. Maybe, maybe, maybe the way that I've ever felt like an outcast, I just knew it wasn't a right fit. It wasn't an alignment for me. So I never felt like an outcast. I never felt, I mean, you know, I'd bullies and some of mine were grown up people, which was really interesting when you think about it. But you know, to that, I mean, even to that specific thought, like if you had grown up with a bully who was maybe an adult,

[00:10:01:03 - 00:10:19:13]
Daffney  Allwein
 it may give you a real sense of awareness of adults have flaws too. Adults have shortcomings too. Adults have backstories too. And to recognize that at an early age where I'm like, okay, there's something going on here and I want to know, I want to get to the bottom of why this person acts this way. Yeah.

[00:10:20:20 - 00:10:24:12]
Daffney  Allwein
 I have to say it was innate. It's not like I had any awareness of what I was doing.

[00:10:24:12 - 00:10:39:11]
Brittany Clark
 That's incredible. Cause I just now at 38 and kind of like looking at my parents like, Oh, you're literally just like a more grown up kid. You know, I mean, you know what I mean? Like it's just to sit there and be like, sometimes, right?

[00:10:39:11 - 00:11:04:08]
Daffney  Allwein
 Like sometimes, like when you get to a certain age, sometimes you even recognize that you've outpaced some of the adults in your life and you're like, Oh, I'm the adult now. Oh, I'm the adult now. Oh, I'm the adult now. Oh, I'm the adult. Okay. Um, yeah, it's there's no direct correlation to age and majority or age and awareness or age and experience, right? It, it is a choice. And wow, you learn that when you become a parent, huh?

[00:11:04:08 - 00:11:06:00]
Brittany Clark
 Oh my gosh. Yeah.

[00:11:08:17 - 00:11:13:20]
Daffney  Allwein
 Talk about my greatest, talk about my greatest teacher. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yes.

[00:11:13:20 - 00:11:17:14]
Brittany Clark
 Yes. Cause it is mirror. It's a mirror. It's

[00:11:17:14 - 00:12:09:00]
Daffney  Allwein
 sometimes it's beyond a mirror. And this is why, you know, when you ask that question about who was I at 10, like, here's a great anecdotal story for this is I remember this is just a few weeks ago. Um, I'm in the car and a child of four years old is sitting behind me and I'm trying to have a very direct, very impassioned conversation with her father about how I was very frustrated with a circumstance that me or me not have been in his control probably was. And I was trying to do it in a way that I wasn't affecting her. Cause I remember my experiences with adults having arguments in front of me or right. And I wanted to protect that space for her, but also really draw that, draw that line about here's my boundary and this is not going to be the case anymore. And, um,

[00:12:10:19 - 00:12:24:11]
Daffney  Allwein
 all of a sudden from the back seat, right? Like I'm thinking, I think, I think I'm doing so great, like being professional, cutting it, you know, right. And, um, from the back seat, I hear this song. I love you when you're mad.

[00:12:25:18 - 00:12:28:04]
Daffney  Allwein
 I love you still.

[00:12:29:12 - 00:12:54:02]
Daffney  Allwein
 I just start singing and I'm going to tell you, she repeated herself in sing song no less than 40 times to the point where I just, I hung up the phone cause she's right. And then I started crying and it would, and I realized in that moment, I thought, I thought it was guilt cause I was like, Oh, she got, she picked up on it. She knows she's smarter than I think she is.

[00:12:55:11 - 00:13:51:16]
Daffney  Allwein
 But when I realized what I was really upset about is that's the first time I recognized that she understands unconditional love. Oh, she understood that what I needed in that moment was to allow myself to allow to be upset and to be mad and to be okay with being mad in that space. Right. She was creating a safe space for me. 40 years older than her. What the hell? Right? Like, how does that work? So, you know, we pretend that we, you know, if we read enough self-help books, if we say the right thing, if we, if we chant, we mantra, we go to the, the correct, you know, you know, religious, it's already in us. It's innocent for, right? It's in us. And we know if we're willing to push off some of those other voices

[00:13:52:17 - 00:13:55:17]
Daffney  Allwein
 that we already know we already have the way.

[00:13:55:17 - 00:14:03:19]
Brittany Clark
 Yeah. Oh my God. That is, I'm actually going through like a whole bunch of like inner child's death now. And so that really, that hits.

[00:14:03:19 - 00:14:04:11]
Daffney  Allwein
 You all should

[00:14:04:11 - 00:14:05:16]
Brittany Clark
 go ahead.

[00:14:07:14 - 00:14:07:20]
Brittany Clark
 Yeah.

[00:14:09:07 - 00:14:30:19]
Brittany Clark
 For her to just be like, Hey, I, you know, this needs a little little piece and I'm going to bring it like she's, she learned the awareness from you, but like in a good way, you know, or it's just like she's able to almost feel the emotion, but then not take it on herself. She's able to provide like,

[00:14:32:03 - 00:15:00:06]
Daffney  Allwein
 it's incredible. It's incredible. It's a skill. It took me 40 years to figure out to not project, to not yet to not embody somebody else's frustration or anger. She just knows. She just knew she knew what was wrong with me. She knew I was struggling with feeling guilty about being upset in front of her. And she knew what I needed was unconditional love in that moment and allowing me to feel how I was feeling. I love that.

[00:15:00:06 - 00:15:18:21]
Brittany Clark
 I love that. Well, that actually brings me to my next question. So I know that like, as someone who provides support for other people, right? And like, would you coaching in a way or do you not take that title or is it?

[00:15:18:21 - 00:16:36:08]
Daffney  Allwein
 It is such a, uh, the short answer is yes. Right. Like, and like, yes. Coaching to me, and maybe that's the big question is coaching is support. Coaching is somebody who listens and sees you and wants you to be successful. So sometimes we, we see the overselling of that word we oversee. So when someone says they're a coach, but they're also selling you something, you know, they're selling you supplements, they're selling you a program, they're in it for them, right? They're in it for what they can benefit from. So if they're a coach with the understanding that they're coaching you in a direction, that's not what coaching is. Coaching is about uncovering your truth and asking the right questions and finding whether it's health or peace or strategy. The coach is there to push you forward, not their agenda. So whenever I see somebody who calls them a self a coach, but they're really there to sell you something or they're really there for their agenda, that's not a coach. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no, by the line, we'll talk about that later.

[00:16:37:11 - 00:16:49:13]
Brittany Clark
 We like that. Um, so being that, in that supportive realm, do you have any like favorite clients like, or maybe like favorite circumstances that you help the client through?

[00:16:49:13 - 00:16:57:20]
Daffney  Allwein
 Yeah. Um, there's too many of them listening. I can't say this. Um, do I have favorite clients? Um,

[00:16:59:23 - 00:18:07:21]
Daffney  Allwein
 yes. Yeah. I do have favorite clients. And I think what I would say, I love, I love everybody I work with. And I mean that sincerely that I could not invest myself, my energy, my time into someone who isn't ready to see themselves forward. So I, you know, I, I, I fall in love with their, with their story and what they're trying to accomplish and who they are in a way that embodies and supports that direction. So my favorite client is not a gender. It's not an age. It's not a objective. It's someone who is not afraid to see their own blind spots. Like my favorite coach is coaching is, is somebody who recognizes that they're human, but also recognizes their own sovereignty. But like they are in charge. They are able to make choices that will dynamically impact them. So I'll paint it with that bro stroke, that breaststroke.

[00:18:07:21 - 00:18:25:19]
Brittany Clark
 I like that. And those are the best types of support because I mean, obviously a person's not going to change unless they want to. And you to be able to pave that path or help pave that path with them. That's nice. I mean, that is also that will yield.

[00:18:25:19 - 00:18:44:11]
Daffney  Allwein
 It's an honor. Honestly, if someone trusts you and, and you formed that bond to see them to another, another evolution of themselves or evolution of their situation, an honor for someone to choose you to be on their team or to partner with them. So yeah, coaching is a partnership.

[00:18:44:11 - 00:18:46:18]
Brittany Clark
 Yeah. I like that.

[00:18:48:07 - 00:18:59:13]
Brittany Clark
 So how did you did, don't, don't F*kn shrink. Did that like pop up in your own head in that moment? Or is that your own little thing that you've had?

[00:18:59:13 - 00:19:42:10]
Daffney  Allwein
 This, this is why I had to give you full credit for this because this, these words would not have bubbled out of my mouth if I didn't need to share it with you in that moment. And, and when you did, and when you, when you gave me that opportunity to just say it like it was with, with grace and with, without any, any pushback whatsoever, you're like, yeah, okay. Yeah. Um, you ignited something in me. So as much as you felt like you were struggling in that moment, you like lit a fire or at least let a fire out that I, I could share that with you. And I, I'm pretty sure that, you know, within like a few weeks, you and I had coffee and I'm like, I wrote this manifesto.

[00:19:42:10 - 00:19:47:03]
Brittany Clark
 And I made sure I read it. Yes. And I had to hold me. I was like, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[00:19:48:14 - 00:20:26:23]
Brittany Clark
 Yes, exactly. Oh, well, good. Well that, I mean, it's changed. It's not only mine, like the whole group to the whole mastermind. They were all like, yup. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Daffney. And I'm pretty sure we would all get a tattoo if we could. I definitely want to. After summer. Yeah. Just like on my arm. Um, what, what's your biggest fitness, wellness accomplishments? So like, I would say mentally, you've been accomplishing everything, but like fitness, wellness in that realm. Also side note, like,

[00:20:28:04 - 00:20:37:01]
Brittany Clark
 would you, I don't even know where I'm really going with this question, but like, would you be able to do that? I don't even know where I'm really going with this question, but like, would you categorize mental under fitness or those just like two things?

[00:20:37:01 - 00:20:58:16]
Daffney  Allwein
 Oh, that's a great question. You know, when, when I'm coaching, when I'm talking to, and I will go back to that greatest fitness accomplishment yet, when I'm coaching, there are three parts that I'm always dynamically considering. Right. So it's your phys, your physiology, right? What's going on with your muscles, your fascia, your, your, your ligaments in that moment. Right.

[00:21:00:10 - 00:21:59:00]
Daffney  Allwein
 I'm also looking at what you might be struggling with at the top, right? Whether it's what you're saying to yourself, what you believe is possible in your head makes a big difference when we're working together. And a lot of that is you verbally, you know, sharing that with me and us asking questions. But the piece that a lot of people miss even in that, and whenever I talk to somebody who's ever had a personal trainer and they're like, what's different about working with you is that they miss that nervous system piece. Right. They don't have, they don't have the eyes, the ears, the, whatever it is to look for, those pieces of anxiety, right? Or what's going on and why those muscles are starting to twitch or shake or find imbalance. And you're like, what? Like that's new, right? That didn't happen last week when we did this, you know, in this series. And those three elements are so dynamic together and so important to consider as a whole, as a whole body.

[00:22:00:18 - 00:22:40:08]
Daffney  Allwein
 So mentally we need to be well, right? And that, that means something different for everybody. Yeah. We need to be really aware of our nervous system. So a nervous system is sort of a big way to say how the outside world is affecting us, right? It's the environmental cues that we're taking. And it could get down to the nutrition of what we ingested, right? What we brought in from our environment, right? Or whatever the case may be. And then, you know, how your physical body is responding to those. So it's, it's kind of like four, different, three different tuning forks that I'm watching the whole time as we're having this session,

[00:22:41:12 - 00:22:56:12]
Daffney  Allwein
 which is, which is such a great package, right? Because because you can heal, you can move past things much easier. And I'm talking injury. I'm talking mindset. I'm talking, you know, fear, anxiety.

[00:22:57:20 - 00:23:35:13]
Daffney  Allwein
 All of these things can be considered in these sessions that we do, which is huge. And when you walk out after 45 minutes or an hour, you log off your computer, you're literally a different person. You're, you're entire like neural pathways or, you know, being challenged into your body physically, you're just breathing, walking, feeling better. So yeah, it's really important that it's not just one rung. It's not just, I did this really incredible workout and that lasted two hours. Right. Yeah. And now I feel the dread of going back to work, you know, like you've got to walk out with a real, a real different

[00:23:36:17 - 00:23:44:00]
Daffney  Allwein
 salon, right? A real different, you know, like permeating energy. And that's, that's what, that's what really moves mountains. Right.

[00:23:44:00 - 00:24:06:00]
Brittany Clark
 Yeah. Yeah. Cause I mean, we, all that anxiety and our, our body holds onto all of that. So to working out might be making it worse in a way too. Cause then you're like stressing yourself, you're stressing your muscles out. You're stressing your body out. So to be able to hit all of those, that I mean, it's the only way to do it really. Yeah.

[00:24:06:00 - 00:24:34:08]
Daffney  Allwein
 That is yeah. And, uh, and there are, there are different modalities of exercise and sometimes we jump on trends and we say, if I do five days a week of high intensity training, what do you think that's actually doing to your body or you don't, you're not doing the proper recovery, right? What kind of stress cortisol, things like that is actually building in your body. So it's all, it's, it's all about awareness of what your body needs and not telling your body what it needs. Right.

[00:24:34:08 - 00:24:43:01]
Brittany Clark
 So do you have a, uh, I guess a favorite transformation that you've helped with a client?

[00:24:43:01 - 00:24:46:23]
Daffney  Allwein
 So many. And, and I have,

[00:24:48:19 - 00:25:01:15]
Daffney  Allwein
 I've seen so much change on so many different levels for people. And I'm talking where their life circumstances change, um, as a result of them losing 50 pounds where, you know,

[00:25:02:18 - 00:25:36:05]
Daffney  Allwein
 I have the pleasure and opportunity to work with people for 10 to 15 years sometimes. So I'm not always just meeting somebody for a year or two, although that's a lot of fun too is just to see what we can do in six months time. But the truth of the matter is is when you get to see somebody through multiple transitions of their life and then look back and say, Oh my God, I remember that person who was 50 pounds overweight and they were married to this person and they were having these problems at work and they were whatever. And now I look at them 10 years later and I'm like,

[00:25:37:15 - 00:25:57:23]
Daffney  Allwein
 right. I have one client in particular who I adore and he went from 50 pounds overweight to running marathons and he was never a runner right in two years. And I don't think he knew that that goal was inside of him until he put it out to me like, like you might've right. Like, I want to do this thing. I'm like, let's do it.

[00:25:59:01 - 00:25:59:17]
Daffney  Allwein
 And it's just,

[00:26:00:22 - 00:26:12:19]
Daffney  Allwein
 there's so much when you are invested and seeing someone be successful, they know it. You're not selling them something. They see your investment and that's the difference. That's, that's where success happens.

[00:26:12:19 - 00:26:29:00]
Brittany Clark
 That's amazing that I can only admit and having a client that long too, I mean, you're literally are going through them, not only in like certain you're going through chapters with them, you know, it's not just a one instance. You're like, that's, that's crazy.

[00:26:29:00 - 00:26:50:21]
Daffney  Allwein
 That's been the bulk of my work too, which I really appreciate because it is you really like fold everybody into your life and it's, it's like living life with them. And sort of like I said before, it's like you get this perspective of all these other lifetimes and experiences that you would have never had based on helping somebody through those circumstances.

[00:26:52:00 - 00:26:53:20]
Brittany Clark
 It's beautiful. That is beautiful.

[00:26:55:02 - 00:26:55:19]
Brittany Clark
 Okay. Let's see.

[00:26:56:19 - 00:27:07:12]
Brittany Clark
 I'm going to pause. I'm going to ask the question and then like look over so then I'm not like, cause I just feel like I'm actually, you know what, let me change my setup really quick.

[00:27:07:12 - 00:27:09:11]
Daffney  Allwein
 Dan, we're going to change the app. We'll be right back.

[00:27:11:14 - 00:27:13:13]
Brittany Clark
 Okay. All right. Okay.

[00:27:16:00 - 00:27:16:23]
Brittany Clark
 All right. Okay.

[00:27:19:00 - 00:27:24:12]
Brittany Clark
 So since you've had all of these clients and since you've had clients for a very long time,

[00:27:25:20 - 00:27:29:02]
Brittany Clark
 you've been accused of never meeting a stranger. So is that true?

[00:27:30:16 - 00:28:54:13]
Daffney  Allwein
 Is that the right question? I don't even know if it's specific to them that I do. I'd love to travel. I love to meet people every place I go. I mean, even in elevators and to the point where I have friends who are maybe on the introverted scale who I will, I have traveled with and you can tell it's like very uncomfortable to them that I have brand new friends every time we leave. And the best part is like, I don't speak the language, right? Like I have to really rely on like bad French, bad Spanish, and the hope that that person knows English really well because there is this like unspoken language when someone knows that you're really engaged and that you really have a question and you're really curious about them, that they are just an open book. They feel safe. They feel seen, they feel heard. And I rarely sit on a train by myself. Like I will travel by myself. I've traveled by myself often, but I usually have a new Facebook buddy or like bestie by the end. And you know, I remember even taking, uh, right after I finished breastfeeding baby number one, I, you know, we had this big, big, big plan that I was going to leave. I was kind of true. You remembered what's like going through breastfeeding. You're like, I just need to be a person again. And so I went on this great, uh, trip to Banff. It was just me.

[00:28:55:17 - 00:30:13:15]
Daffney  Allwein
 And, um, I was meeting a group of yoga minded people and I didn't know anybody. I knew nobody. Um, and I get on the plane and first stop is Toronto because it's, you know, I had to come up to Toronto first. And of course I'm meeting this really sweet couple. I hope they're listening. Hi, Andrea. And we're talking, and she is sharing this powerful story of her upbringing and some of the things that happened to her. And you know, I was able to share with her and in true fashion when I traveled, my luggage always gets lost. I don't know why I'm always the lucky person. And these wonderful people walked me through the place because I, I'm I've never been right in the, in this airport before, walk me through, take me exactly where I need to go. Tell me they're going to stay with me until I get my bags so that I, you know, they know that I'm safe, right? They're worried about, I've met them an hour and a half earlier, right? And this is a common thread for me is just, I love this idea of a podcast because I love connecting with people at their core, like who they really are. I am terrible at small talk. So if you ever see me in a coffee shop, run, if you don't want to talk to me, um,

[00:30:14:19 - 00:30:20:04]
Daffney  Allwein
 it's true. It's, everybody's got an amazing, powerful story. If you're willing to, to really spend the time.

[00:30:20:04 - 00:30:26:01]
Brittany Clark
 Yeah. You have that aura about you. That is very inviting. And I don't know if it sometimes is,

[00:30:27:15 - 00:30:33:05]
Brittany Clark
 I wouldn't say annoying at times, but like, I, I, I know that you probably are

[00:30:33:05 - 00:30:36:13]
Daffney  Allwein
 like, I have older siblings that will tell you I am annoying probably.

[00:30:36:13 - 00:30:58:19]
Brittany Clark
 No, no, not like you're annoying. It's the fact that like people come up to you constantly just because you have that very open aura, you have that very open space. You provide that like literally wherever you are. And I'm wondering if it's like, do people trauma dump on you or is it literally just like,

[00:31:00:02 - 00:31:27:02]
Daffney  Allwein
 that's a really good question. I would never consider it trauma dumping, although because it's also a space where I often find my piece of myself in that person. And I think that's kind of what I'm having in a conversation with, a stranger and they're telling me this compelling story and they feel safe and they feel seen and you can tell they're authentically telling their story. They're not, they're not guarding themselves. Or maybe because I'm a stranger who cares, right? I mean, never seen me again except on Facebook.

[00:31:29:01 - 00:31:57:14]
Daffney  Allwein
 But they're sharing openly with me. And when I'm hearing their story, I'm also hearing parts of myself, right? Like, Oh, I had that trauma too. Or, Oh, I had a, you know, I had a parent or a gram, you know, a teacher, whoever it is, who, yeah, I can relate to that. And I think they can see that. I think that people, when I talk to people, they can see that they can feel that and actually I hope they do. I hope they feel seen. I hope they feel safe when they talk to me.

[00:31:57:14 - 00:32:20:05]
Brittany Clark
 Can say that, yes, yes, that is it. Because when I first met you, I felt safe, seen, understood all of it. And it was, it was almost like I knew you, I've known you forever. But yeah, we just met that one time. So, or like in that, in the beginning, the mastermind and yeah, absolutely. Like I felt like I could absolutely just tell you everything about myself.

[00:32:21:15 - 00:32:45:17]
Brittany Clark
 But for me, like I am on the kind of like introverted side. So I always have like this internal voice that's like, no one wants to hear you talk. So I'm wondering, do you have like a voice or like someone on your shoulder that's kind of like kind of combating with you or like this internal kind of like, convinced that's like pointing you in different, different ways, different directions.

[00:32:46:17 - 00:33:00:04]
Daffney  Allwein
 One of the things that I enjoy talking to you about is that you and I kind of dip into the woo sometimes in like a fun way, but like, we must defend 300 lives or maybe two of their lives together. Um, and it's fun. It's compelling. It's a way to connect with each other.

[00:33:01:04 - 00:33:18:14]
Daffney  Allwein
 But I had a, I had a session with a massage specialist one time and she, she is definitely rooted and grounded in, in Reiki and things like that. But I worked with her in a capacity called Bowen therapy, which is a type of massage where it's nervous system based.

[00:33:19:16 - 00:34:23:12]
Daffney  Allwein
 But part of that, and I'll, I'll send your information to the link if you guys want. Um, it's fantastic. Part of that is having conversations with her. And I think she said something just floated to see how I would take it. You know, she's like, did you feel like there was somebody with you? And I was like, Oh, I, I, I always feel like I have like a bunch of counterparts, you know, that like sort of helped me, helped me through the day. And I'll say it that way. Some people say them that they're guardian angels or whatever it is. I just feel like there's just what keeps me laughing during the day, what keeps me upbeat, what keeps me me. And I jokingly said to her one day, I feel like I like have this pirate type character, right? This like black beard, this like long john silver type who like is so love is like so articulate, I guess. And it's so easy going and people trust this person, but then there's like this like nefarious sort of like giggle laugh in the background. It's sort of, this is how, this is how you operate.

[00:34:23:12 - 00:34:24:07]
Brittany Clark
 Yeah.

[00:34:24:07 - 00:35:01:18]
Daffney  Allwein
 And you know, the reason I think that's funny, you're compelling is that even as a kid, I knew, and this, this, this character probably has been, they've been on my shoulder maybe for some time where it's that the world is in black and white. The world is not as simple as, as people tell us it is when we're kids, right? We know there's a way to maneuver. We know there's a way to like, you know, and if you watch your own kids, you know that they've figured that out too. But I think there's sort of this like little sheepish laugh on my shoulder where every once in a while someone's like, Oh, you can't do that. You can't do that. That's, that's not the way that goes. And I'm like, really,

[00:35:02:21 - 00:35:20:19]
Daffney  Allwein
 really? So this character that's on my shoulder, right? I don't, we'll call it Blackbeard. I don't know what his name is, but like, it's a reminder that like not everything's black and white and that everything has, you know, purpose and every opportunity is there to, uh, to shape.

[00:35:21:19 - 00:35:52:15]
Brittany Clark
 So would you, to me, when I hear you say all that stuff, it's, it, you're very, you, you give off this confidence. That's just like, I'm not only aware of myself, I'm aware of my surroundings. I'm aware of like what I can and cannot do, but I'm going to push it a little bit. So where did you get that confidence from? Was it already, it was innate or was like, did you go through a lot of situations to where you kind of like built that up?

[00:35:52:15 - 00:35:57:14]
Daffney  Allwein
 I think, I think anything is, is, uh,

[00:35:58:18 - 00:36:02:20]
Daffney  Allwein
 innate, you know, we're talking about values and who we know we are.

[00:36:03:21 - 00:36:08:07]
Daffney  Allwein
 And I think at the root for me, I've always found two themes.

[00:36:09:11 - 00:36:12:20]
Daffney  Allwein
 It's optimism and courage.

[00:36:14:19 - 00:37:10:16]
Daffney  Allwein
 And at the base of who I am, where, you know, the very, the very fiber of who I am, it's always been looking at things in the realm of possibility. Like what's possible, even if it sounds outlandish and, you know, I'm, I'm four feet tall, but I want to be on the varsity basketball team. It's crazy, but I'm very optimistic that there's something I can figure out. And courage is, I'm going to do it anyway. You know, even, even if I fail, I'm going to put it out there. And I think maybe it's just written in the stars. For me. And of course we all have past and childhood trauma or conditioning that, that either reinforces those fibers or, or stifles them. Right? So I was probably lucky enough in my hypervigilance type, uh, conditioning that I figured out that yeah, I'm going to be okay.

[00:37:10:16 - 00:37:34:12]
Brittany Clark
 Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's good because it's, for me it's confidence has been like this practice. Like I've constantly had to, to like get over myself in those, in those ways of just, you know, letting my fear take over, but also knowing like, Hey, it's not going to be, it's not going to be the end of the world if someone laughs at me or it's not going to be the end of the world that this doesn't go right.

[00:37:34:12 - 00:38:26:15]
Daffney  Allwein
 Thank you for saying that by the way, it is practiced. And everyone thinks that confidence is natural. It's just, it's practice, right? It's, it's feeling uncomfortable. It's being unsure and doing it anyway. It's, uh, I had a podcast interview I did the other day and it's really about stepping off that ledge. I think it's a Indiana Jones reference maybe if you're, if you're, like, but basically just step off the ledge. What's the worst that can happen? Right. And I think even that framing, what's the worst that could happen is, is not a match for me. It's like, what's the possibility of taking this step, you know, and that falls in podcast land too. Um, you know, taking this step so that I can share with more people, I can coach with more people, I can be impactful with more people. Um, because sometimes being the best kept secret is not a lot of fun.

[00:38:28:06 - 00:38:33:05]
Daffney  Allwein
 Yeah. Yeah. That's, oh, that's so good. It's practice. It really is practice.

[00:38:33:05 - 00:38:35:05]
Brittany Clark
 Yeah. Yeah. That, uh,

[00:38:36:06 - 00:39:25:11]
Brittany Clark
 I forgot, like I had something that had happened recently and it was almost like just completely just paralyzed me. Right. And it was, it was a fear kind of thing. And, and to be able to, and again, I'm not going to lie, you popped into my head and every time it's just like, don't , why are we doing this? Why are we shrinking? Like don't. And so I was able to get over whatever I wanted to do. I was able to get over whatever I was fearful at that time. And I stood my ground. I actually like stood straighter. Like I felt myself like, okay, we're doing this. And it was not as bad as I thought it was. So being able to instill that and just almost trust yourself too, trusting in yourself, trusting that you can do it is just.

[00:39:25:11 - 00:39:34:07]
Daffney  Allwein
 That's big work. That's a big work for anybody who's willing to admit it. Trusting yourself is probably the biggest job you can learn.

[00:39:34:07 - 00:40:00:17]
Brittany Clark
 Absolutely. Um, okay. We have one more question and it's since you were so aware at your young age of 10 and being able to like figure out what you want, if you knowing what you know now in the direction that you are going in, would you have pointed your younger self in a different direction to either speed up the process or slow down the process?

[00:40:01:18 - 00:40:03:17]
Brittany Clark
 Um, or the journey rather.

[00:40:05:15 - 00:40:16:17]
Daffney  Allwein
 At 43, I can tell you, I have no regrets. I have no regrets. If I had a, if you had asked me that exact question.

[00:40:18:22 - 00:40:46:12]
Daffney  Allwein
 Five years ago, I would have, I would have ignorantly told you, yeah, I would have just like not wasted this time at this school or getting this or you know, working with this group. But I am so aware now at 43. Um, and that's, you know, eight years of failed IVF that's, you know, staying with companies when maybe they didn't, you know, understand and appreciate what, what the value was that I was giving. Um,

[00:40:47:16 - 00:41:50:16]
Daffney  Allwein
 it is all important and the timing is even more important because I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for a kid at 35. You know, I thought I was. In fact, the only thing that was really pushing me to the point of shingles, um, to like get this baby thing done was this idea that it was running out of time and being 40, having a baby and then having a baby again at 43, you know, it's, it's liberating because you know that you could have never done that. You could have never reached back in time. It was not the right time. It was not the right, um, version of yourself is the right way to say it. Um, and I am just, I'm so grateful for every moment, every mistake, uh, every bad date, every, like everything that ever came, right? I am so grateful for all of it because I survived every single one of those days. Yeah.

[00:41:50:16 - 00:42:31:12]
Brittany Clark
 Oh gosh. Yes. That's exactly what I needed to hear because I find myself looking back and being like, Oh gosh, if I just didn't go to that school or if I didn't meet that person or, but then yeah, you have to realize that all of that led you to this very moment. And in this very moment, we are at a place that we wish we were back then. So, I mean, it's, it's very interesting to, to come to terms with the fact that you can't change the past and we have to be, you know, almost open to just doing whatever we want to do in this moment in this time now that we have.

[00:42:31:12 - 00:42:50:23]
Daffney  Allwein
 It's a, it's a gift to look back, right? Like even just thinking of it in that context. I'm like, God, I was not that was not a good choice or that was not wise or wow. I let anger really, really drive that day or insecurity or whatever the, whatever the driver was for the decision that I made.

[00:42:53:09 - 00:42:58:07]
Daffney  Allwein
 What a gift to look back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And be happy about where you are standing.

[00:42:58:07 - 00:43:09:00]
Brittany Clark
 Yeah. And then that's, I think gratitude has been like a huge practice for me lately and you with your optimism and all that kind of like, it's, you have to have that. Yeah.

[00:43:09:00 - 00:43:12:14]
Daffney  Allwein
 You find those fundamental threads through your life, right?

[00:43:14:07 - 00:44:03:23]
Daffney  Allwein
 You're going to, you're going to look at every story that you've ever heard, every accident, every injury, every, you know, transgression, you know, that, you know, whatever, whatever it was, whatever chapter, and you're going to see those similar threads. And even in coaching with people, sometimes when, when people feel compelled to tell me their story, I can see those threads. And it's almost like exercise repetitions, right? So, you know, there's a repetition of reliving or re joining a certain dynamic over and over again in your life until you're willing to say, I'm done with that version of myself. And it's not until you're aware of your behavior that you can step out of that behavior, right? If you don't know you're standing inside of a box,

[00:44:05:01 - 00:44:16:13]
Daffney  Allwein
 it's really hard to get out of that box, right? So sometimes they get to be that set of eyes that they can show you where the box is or where the door is for the box or the cutter, whatever that thing is.

[00:44:17:21 - 00:44:28:15]
Daffney  Allwein
 Right? Like you can be inventive. You can find other ways outside of that box, but if you don't realize that you keep coming back into that box every single time, you can't leave.

[00:44:30:10 - 00:44:30:23]
Brittany Clark
 So, no,

[00:44:32:10 - 00:45:10:17]
Brittany Clark
 and again, back to awareness is being able to having an outside set of eyes, like you said, look and able to show you like, hi, this is what you're doing. This is what you need to be doing, but in a way where it again paves the path for them because you can't change someone who isn't willing to see that. And so that's, I think it's very, very important in what you're doing and what you're providing and how you're supporting people is just something that this world needs so much. And I thank you and everything that you do. And I just, I love you so much. You're amazing.

[00:45:10:17 - 00:45:53:05]
Daffney  Allwein
 Thank you. I love you. You're wonderful. And thank you for birthing this out of me so that I can share this with everybody. That just that giant expulsion of don't f*kn shrink, Brittany, was just the moment. Yeah, it's the moment everybody else in the world benefited by you being honest and being vulnerable. So Brittany, thank you so much for being the interviewer this time and sharing with me. I hope you can come back on and I hope we can do more of these together. Absolutely. And Brittany actually is a very, very talented designer. So if you are interested in web design, especially if you align with being unique and

[00:45:54:06 - 00:46:12:10]
Daffney  Allwein
 having your voice heard and having people see you for who you really are in your business and in your brand, Brittany is the person to talk to. She definitely sees as much as she hears. So I will make sure that I link her information here in the bio. Check her out. Brittany, thank you so much. Yes, thank you.

[00:46:12:10 - 00:46:12:10]